The morning after announcing he would return to the Red Sox broadcast booth for the 2014 season, Jerry Remy called in to "The Dennis & Callahan Morning Show" on WEEI radio (listen to the interview HERE) to talk more about his decision-making process, what he expects going forward, and the tortured few months he and his family have spent since his son Jared was charged with murder.
Here’s a partial transcript of some of the topics he touched upon:
* On the grief that’s stuck with him and his wife since the tragedy:
“Life has changed. Life is not what it was prior to Aug. 15. Anybody who would tell you that as time goes on things get better is full of baloney. It doesn’t get better. It sticks with you every day. It’s on your mind when you go to bed at night, it’s on your mind when you wake up in the morning. It stays with you throughout the day. The trickle-down effect from the initial incident is incredible. You wake up today and you say, ‘What today?’”
* What he took into consideration before deciding to return:
“We feel awful. [The Martels] get up every morning, they have no daughter. They can’t speak with her, they can’t talk to her. On the other side, it affected our family in a different way. It’s a lose-lose for everybody.
“Part of my decision-making took into account their family issues and what they may think about this. I’m sure they’re not pleased. I don’t know. I had to look past that a little bit without losing sight of what had transpired and I had to make a decision for my family and myself.
“As I said yesterday, I’ve been in professional baseball for 40 years. It’s my release, it’s what I do. It’s what I enjoy doing; it’s what I’d enjoy to continue to do and hope to do for a long time. I just can’t sit here as I have for the last three months and go over this in my mind almost every minute of the day. I have to be active in some way.
“I promise you this will never be forgotten. It’s something that’s going to stick with me obviously the rest of my life, and there’s not a day that goes by that we don’t think about it.”
* Remy said he expects some backlash from people who think he should not return to the booth:
“This was not something to do as a PR comeback. This is something I had to get off my chest, a decision I had to make. As I said, it was a very difficult decision to me. It remains difficult this morning. I know as time goes on, as the freshness of this wears on, there will be the naysayers, and I totally expect that, that’s something we knew from last Aug. 15 when this tragedy happened. I just hope that somehow we get by it, and I can do the job that I love to do and hopefully bring Red Sox baseball to the fans the way it should be brought to them and we have another good year.”
“I’m just going to come back and see how it goes. I work for very smart people, both at NESN and the Red Sox, who have been very supportive. They’ll know whether it’s going to work or not work. If it doesn’t work, they’ll make the proper adjustments. I think it will work. I wouldn’t be coming back if I didn’t think that.”
* Whether he saw any warning signs with his son Jared:
“There’s no question that Jared’s had a number of issues. We tried as a family to do the best as we could to address those. But it takes two to make things happen. Did I think it would come to this? No. Did I think there would be trouble in his future? Yes, I dreaded that.
“He had had trouble in the past. Spent time in jail previous to this. We knew there were issues and we tried to do as a family the best that we possibly could. You can’t always be successful; we were not successful.
“As I said yesterday, if you want to call somebody a bad parent, address it to me. My wife has been a terrific [mother] to our children. I hate to see her going through the pain that she’s been going through. If there’s somebody to blame, just blame me.”
“There were steroids involved. He had learning issues as a kid, which developed into self-confidence issues. I really don’t want to talk much about Jared. Every family has issues and every family deals with them differently. Some successful, some not. In my case, not. Right now he’s paying the price for his actions and he will be for a long time.”
* Whether Remy wonders if he crossed the line between supporting and enabling Jared:
“Sure I do. I think about it all the time. This has brought a lot of reflection. What did we do right, what did we do wrong. Was I an enabler? Yeah, I probably was. Probably with all of my kids. Would I do things differently now? Obviously, with the end result you would hope you would do something different, but I don’t know what I could have done different.
“I just feel awful about the fact that my granddaughter is going to grow up without a mother, who was a very caring, very loving woman, who was trying to make herself a better life. Was taking college courses to become a teacher. Very close to our family also, along with her family. …
“You reflect on all those things; what could I have done differently? That drives you crazy every single day that you think about that. I don’t know. Enabler? Yeah. Did I pay for an apartment? Yeah. Did I do certain things? Yes. Did I encourage violence? No. Did I try to get help for him? Absolutely. It’s a complex issue. And it’s a complex issue that had a terrible result.”