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Amidst the chaos, all hail the Ivy League

Resembling a family tree only a Kardashian could love, the conference map could make for an excellent holiday present. Forget Where’s Waldo?

Where’s Boise State? Seriously, where? I’ve lost track.

Middle Tennessee State and Florida Atlantic joined Conference USA on Tuesday, and on Monday, Grand Canyon State announced it would move to the WAC. The mighty Antelopes, of course, aren’t fully classified as a Division I member just yet, but why let that pesky little detail stand in the way?

No, no, no if you have George Jeffersonian aspirations to move on up, by golly, you move up, Weezy -- geography, good sense, rivalries, and Division I membership be damned.

Because giving your university a new conference membership is the gift this season. It’s the new black!

It’s all we can talk about, think about, and whisper about.

And frankly, I’m sick to death of it.

So instead of giving more time and space to the carpetbagging conference hoppers, it’s time -- overtime really -- to pay homage to the ones who stick together.

All hail the Ivy League.

Eggheads rule! Power to the pocket protectors!

The folks who give us presidents, physicists and Nobel Prize winners now offer us the two things sorely missing in college athletics: sanity and stability.

In lieu of everyone else’s rapidly changing letterhead and misnamed misnomers, the conference should consider a new motto: The Ivy League, Unchanged Since Grover Cleveland Was President.

The schools first started playing one another in some form or another since the late 1800s and formally signed an agreement in 1945 for football, propping that up to include all sports in 1956.

Since then? Nothing. No desire to stretch West and gobble up Berkeley or woo MIT into jumping to DI.

In 1936 and 1937, Yale turned out back-to-back Heisman Trophy winners and in 1965, Princeton played in the national basketball semifinal.

Nobody tried to capitalize on the success and move to greener pastures.

No, the Ivy League is quite happy with its gated-community status and where once we were offended by such high-minded elitism, perhaps now we ought to see the sense in it all.

Unburdened by the need for better TV contracts and uncomplicated by the need to keep up with the Joneses (since, after all, they are the Academic Joneses), the Ivy League gets to stand still while everyone else spins like a top around it.

It remains today what it always has been -- a group of institutions that share geographic proximity, like-minded academic goals and requirements and a deep history.

The Ancient Eight indeed.