That's What She Said: Antidotes for a Downer News Day


I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, people: Yesterday was kind of the worst. The kind of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day that kid Alexander once had. The kind of no good day Ice Cube wouldn’t waste a single lyric on.

It started with the continued discussion of Tony Dungy’s hypocritical comments about Rams rookie Michael Sam being a “distraction” because of his homosexuality and powered on with news of a sexual assault charge filed against two Texas Longhorns football players. Then things really hit rock bottom when it was announced that Ravens running back Ray Rice would be suspended just two games for knocking his then-fiancee unconscious back in February.

All before 10 a.m.

Being a sports fan is supposed to be fun. Following along with our favorite teams and players is intended to be a break from the serious stuff, a diversion that entertains us. But yesterday my Twitter feed was devoid of Vine videos and silly LeBron memes. Instead, I spent all morning trying to combat varying levels of bigotry, misogyny, victim-blaming and mansplaining with logic and reason. I’m sure you can guess how that worked out.

By 3 P.M. I had basically thrown in the towel on the day.

Then I saw this: Man Throws Bill Murray Ice Cream Social, Bill Murray Actually Shows Up. I had to smile. I mean, look at how gosh-darned happy both Bill and that little girl look with their soft-serve cones in hand. Bill Murray crashing anything makes me happy. Whether it’s an engagement photo shoot, a kickball game or, in absolutely epic fashion, a bachelor party.

I decided the day wasn’t lost. I could still turn things around. Signing out of Twitter was a solid start. Next, I began seeking out fluffy, feel-good stories that could serve as antidotes to the malaise caused by all the tough-to-take topics dominating the headlines.

The good news is, I found a lot of ‘em. They might not be quite at the level of a “Bill Murray at an ice cream social,” but they sure as hell beat reading about another former athlete arrested for domestic violence, another current athlete who disrespects women or another classless fan who’s lost perspective.

If you had the kind of bad day Daniel Powter might write a song about (an invidious earworm of a song that only makes your day worse), well then you might need these too …

The Wolf of Clark Street

Cardinals backup catcher Tony Cruz has been seeing a bit more playing time ever since starter Yadier Molina hit the DL with a thumb injury. The extra at-bats have helped fans put a finger on the odd “music” that plays when he walks from the dugout to home plate to take his swings. Listen closely ... yes, Tony Cruz’s walk-up music is the rhythmic chanting and chest-beating done by Matthew McConaughey’s character in “The Wolf Of Wall Street.” Awe-some.

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Morning Match Prep Done Right

How’d you start your Thursday? I woke up late, accidentally took the wrong train and then bought a Starbucks tomato and cheese croissant square for breakfast out of pure, emotional anger eating. Meantime, Kerri Walsh patiently watched her three kids literally run circles around her, ate a healthy breakfast of raw organic food and juice and then joined partner April Ross in polishing off their World Series of Beach Volleyball opponents in just 38 minutes.

Olympians: They’re not just like U.S.

Lend Me Some Sugar. I Am Your Neighbor!

It’s been a crazy couple weeks for LeBron James. After his Heat lost to the Spurs in the NBA Finals the two-time champion held the NBA free-agent market hostage before finally announcing he would take his talents back to Akron. While they awaited The Decision 2.0, Cavs fans and media members were camped outside the King’s home in Ohio day and night, hoping for a sign.

As a mea culpa for any trouble caused by his big announcement, James sent all of his neighbors a note thanking them for their patience, along with a box of specialty LeBron James treats. Cherry Cola cupcakes, anyone?

Beer League Baller

Just a few days after signing an eight-year, $84 million dollar contract with the Blackhawks, Patrick Kane crashed an adult league game in his hometown of Buffalo. The 25-year-old superstar scored five goals and notched five assists to lead the Piranhas to a 13-5 win.

Starting next year Kane will make an average of about $128,000 a game, so you gotta love the kid hitting the ice and bringing the Showtime in exchange for a few brews and some post-game wings.

A Walk To Remember

After losing her father two years ago, Jennifer Urs Sullivan wasn’t sure who should walk her down the aisle at her March wedding. Her father “Big Walt,” a former college football player and NFL team surgeon, had passed on his love for football to her, and she had turned him into a fan of her alma mater, the University of Miami. She honored that bond by choosing the Hurricanes mascot, Sebastian, to give her away in place of her father.

If you don’t think a 6-foot tall ibis in a sailor cap could make you tear up, think again …

Jeff’s In The John

You guys all remember when Jeff Francouer’s minor league teammates had him convinced for weeks that his teammate Jorge Reyes was deaf, right? Well they’ve gotten him again …

Coach Gosling, Reporting For Duty

Texas Tech coach and Ryan Gosling look-a-like Kliff Kingsbury is a handsome man. Handsome enough that even other guys (like @BoyoTroyo) have to begrudgingly give him props for his pretty face. Riffing on a bit from “The Jimmy Kimmel Show,” “SportsNation” asked Kingsbury to read some tweets fans have written about him.

#Roadtrip is right. You in, ladies?