Keith Moon won't be playing the Olympics

Drummer Keith Moon can't play at the Olympics because he's been dead for more than 33 years. AP Photo

On this week’s episode of "Please Don’t Give the Intern Any Real Responsibilities," someone from the 2012 London Olympics reached out to The Who’s manager to see if Keith Moon would play at an event during the Games. The same Keith Moon, that is, who hasn’t played a show or breathed air in over three decades. Because he’s dead.

Judging from how the Revolutionary War shaped up, I’m doubtful the Brits have a plan B. So an obvious option would be to recruit Animal from the Muppets, the closest living embodiment of Moon’s erratic character. Or maybe the chilled-out Little Drummer Bro from the Fray’s weird lullaby national anthem. Or if they’re looking for a drummer with prior Olympic experience, China’s got an army of 2,000 of them who’ve just been collecting dust in storage.

But we'd probably steer clear of the notoriously anti-establishment Sex Pistols. Oh wait, they asked them too.

But to whomever they reach out to as Moon’s replacement, they should ask for a lot of money. Dwyane Wade thinks you deserve it.