By now you know the central tenet of the MVP Watch, which is that MVP candidates play on winning teams. You can argue all you want about the relative value of players such as LeSean McCoy and Matt Ryan, but they're simply not going to get consideration from MVP voters if their teams lose more games than they win. Unfair? Maybe. But it's like the Watch tells the two little pocket watches when they get upset that someone's got something they don't: Life's not fair. Eat your food.
So one of the first things the Watch does every Tuesday morning is look at the standings, and lo and behold, this Tuesday morning showed exactly 10 NFL teams with winning records. "Wow," the Watch said to itself. "There are 10 spots to fill and 10 teams with winning records? Almost too perfect, right?" (The Watch received no answer, because it was talking to itself.)
Without further ado, here is the Week 5 MVP Watch, which begins the way they all have since before the season even started -- with the guy in Denver who's trashing the playground and making the other kids cry.