Ho. Ho. Ho.
Santa Claus here. As if I've not got enough going on right now, the Pac-10 blog has enlisted me to reveal what conference teams wanted for Christmas this year.
Not saying they'll get it. Heck, the Pac-10 blog dude has been asking me for a pony since he was 4. No dice. And, by the way, ixnay on the Johnnie Walker Blue, hombre.
The wish list is in reverse order of conference finish. Sort of like a naughty and nice list, with Part I today and Part II tomorrow.
Ah, Cougars, you can't just ask for wins. Sorry. Not how things work. But your second choice might be doable: A four-leaf clover. First off, you guys are going to need some luck to win a few games in the rugged Pac-10 next fall in any event. But it's not just about good luck. It's about avoiding bad luck. After two consecutive injury-riddled seasons, things might just get back on track if your two-deep depth chart remains mostly healthy and stable over the 12-game grind.
Oh, Dennis, Dennis, hope your fans know how persistent you are! No, I can't make the party in Coeur d'Alene, but thanks for the invite to your swell vacation pad. And, no, don't think I didn't miss your latest appeal for some offensive help. Some might be surprised that a quarterback didn't top your list, but Santa, being built like an offensive lineman, knows that the big guys up front are the key. So, yes, your appeal for some offensive linemen who can both run block and pass protect is duly noted.
A little surprised by this one: Felt sure you Bruins would go negative this year and wish for NCAA sanctions on Pete Carroll and the Trojans. Very noble. I'm a bit skeptical, though. Maybe you've enlisted other supernatural forces for that one, eh Bruin Nation? Of course, there are only so many offensive linemen to go around. Maybe I'll let my head elf, O.J., decide who gets them. Relax! That name is just a coincidence.
Greedy! Greedy! Greedy! Husky fans, you know darn well you already got your Christmas gift! And to ask for a Husky Stadium renovation also? Wow. Like I said; Greedy! I know one of college football's best venues has fallen into disrepair but everybody knows how you take care of stadium issues. You raise taxes, of course.
Here's a wish list lesson: Be specific. No, I can't give a team "consistency." No, I can't wrap up and put a bow around "take the next step." And the last time a program asked for "leadership," I dropped Tim Tebow down the chimney and that seemed to unfairly stack the deck in Gainesville. Still, you Cal fans are creative. I like No. 7 on the list: A magic light bulb. Not sure how you guys heard about that special device that illuminates a locker room for an entire 12-game season, though.
That's it for today.
I'll be back on Christmas Eve to deliver gifts to the top-five teams. Time for some of Mrs. Claus' special eggnog.