When it comes to sports, rappers are a bit like politicians: Their allegiances are malleable, conveniently tailored to dovetail with the winning side. Drake is especially flip-floppy. Not only is the Toronto native prone to breaking the cardinal rule of rooting for his local teams, but he sometimes does it in particularly egregious ways. Let's analyze how Drizzy rolls with the winners.
Sport: Pro basketball
Drake's favorite team: Miami Heat
Why he roots for them: Once a Raptors diehard, Drake has made the same snowbird migration as Chris Bosh. The bonus character in the "NBA 2K11" video game lauded the 2011 Heat as the greatest team ever and calls LeBron his "brother." His only excuse is that this all could have been a ruse to close the sale of his $2.6 million Miami mansion to Mario Chalmers.
Who he should root for: Look, we understand it's been a tough slog for Raptors fans in the Bargnani Era. But glorious days have returned with the return of Landry Fields, the NBA player most likely to stunt-double for Drake in a "Like Mike" sequel.
Sport: College basketball
Drake's favorite team: Kentucky Wildcats
Why he roots for them: Drake is buddies with former Wildcats John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins and frequently attends games in Lexington. Coach John Calipari, recognizing Drake's value in recruiting premium one-and-done talent, gave the rapper a custom ring after last season's championship.
Drake's favorite team: Toronto Blue Jays
Why he roots for them: A longtime supporter, Drake name-checks old-school stars like Paul Molitor, Kelly Gruber and Roberto Alomar — and he definitely made the Blue Jays' hat more famous than a Blue Jay can. We wouldn't be shocked if he's drunk-texted Roy Halladay from Club LIV to reminisce about better times.
Who he should root for: Nothing nefarious about cheering on Lloyd Moseby and the local nine, but Drake might consider Pittsburgh for his squad on the Senior Circuit. With a recent study showing that he was the most illegally downloaded musician in America, he could send a little love back to the IRL Pirates.
Drake's favorite team: Manchester United ... and Chelsea ... and Manchester City
Why he roots for them: What, you expected Swansea City? Americans are somewhat lenient about fan polygamy, but not so the British. You pick a football team and you stick with it. ’Course your ordinary dude isn't chummy with Rio and Drogba and Super Mario — but that doesn't mean Drake can't catch some stick, either. YOSO!
Who he should root for: Drake would feel right at home at the Emirates — with Theo Walcott and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Arsenal leads the league in young, exciting players of mixed race.
Drake's favorite team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Why he roots for them: He's Canadian and from Toronto. This one, he couldn't afford to get wrong.
Who he should root for: Drake may have a mysterious Southern accent, but we're still going to defer to him on matters of Mounties, Molson beer and hockey loyalty.
Sport: Pro football
Drake's favorite team: Toronto Argonauts
Why he roots for them: Drake considers American football a crudely primitive predecessor to the sophisticated, three-down game played in the Canadian Football League. He has a life-sized tattoo of Rocket Ismail spanning his forehead. These are all lies, but he's probably a Giants fan (until February 2013).
Who he should root for: Buffalo Bills. One of the NFL's secret shames is that the Bills treasonously play some of their home games in Toronto. Only the sweet salve of Drake's crooning can heal this festering wound in our national pride.