Ten things David Stern is looking forward to doing in retirement:
1. Smirking at sunsets.
2. Sending hate mail to Seattle residents.
3. Pretending he's broke to get the players to give him more money.
4. Reuniting with an old, hairy friend.
5. Traveling, as it doesn't exist in the NBA.
6. Trolling NBA.com comments sections.
7. Creating an airtight alibi and then cutting the brakes in Mark Cuban's car.
8. Writing his memoirs, titled "I'm Smarter Than All of You Idiots."
9. Ironically wearing a Chris Paul Lakers jersey.
10. Driving off into the sunset with former NBA senior vice president Gary Bettman, their evil plan to destroy the NHL a success.