Sorry, Alabama fans, your team is not the national champion. My alma mater is. Yes, the Washington Huskies are No. 1!
How so? Easy. Even someone from the SEC should be able to follow the logic.
Alabama beat Notre Dame in the BCS title game. But Alabama lost to Texas A&M. And Texas A&M lost to Florida. And Florida lost to Louisville. And Louisville lost to Syracuse. And Syracuse lost to USC. And USC lost to Oregon. And Oregon lost to Stanford. And Stanford lost to ... you know it -- Washington!
That makes my Huskies the No. 1 team in the land by virtue of the KBCS -- the Kevin Bacon Eight Degrees of National Championship Series.
Of course, you can stretch this sort of reasoning to ludicrous ends. I know because after I claimed the Huskies were national champions in a tweet after the BCS game, some delusional (i.e. drunk) Washington State fans tweeted back that the Cougars are national champs because they beat Washington in the Apple Cup. But that’s just silly.
In fact, while those Cougars fans were claiming their bogus national championship, James Meredith tweeted back to point out that not only did Washington lose to Washington State, the Cougars lost to Colorado, who lost to Colorado State, who lost to North Dakota State, who won the Football Championship Subdivision title.
That would mean North Dakota State won two national championships in football this year. Which would be pretty impressive except if we follow the paper trail a little further, we find that North Dakota State lost to Indiana State. And Indiana State lost to South Dakota State. And South Dakota State lost to Northern Iowa. And Northern Iowa lost to Wisconsin. And Wisconsin lost to Oregon State AND Stanford, who both lost to Washington.
So you see? The Huskies are national champions! Bow down to Washington!
So better luck next year, Alabama. And now if you will excuse me, I need to go to the University Bookstore to buy my national championship T-shirts.
I just hope Huskies coach Steve Sarkisian doesn’t want a bonus for this.