More fans are staying away from stadiums and arenas, choosing instead to watch games on TV. But teams can reverse this trend by making a few simple changes that will improve the fan experience.
Here are just 20 quick and easy things teams should try to get people back into their buildings.
1. Cheaper parking. No, free parking. No, free valet parking.
2. Guaranteed Win Nights.
3. Eight-dollar cups of beer that actually have eight dollars of beer in them.
4. Fifty-inch flat screens in front of every seat.
5. A promise that “Gangnam Style” will not be played over the sound system at any point before, during or after the game.
6. No postgame traffic. Thanks to teleportation or something. Who knows. Team owners are billionaires. They can figure it out.
7. Playoff atmosphere at every game or our money back.
8. We, the fans, are allowed to call a play when we have a really good idea for one.
9. All bathrooms must be completely free of horrific stranger bacteria.
10. The home team has to shoot when we yell: “SHOOOOOOT! Shoot it! SHOOOOOOT!” and pass it when we yell: “He’s open! Throw him the ball! He’s open! Come on! Ahhhhhhh! Too late now, idiot.”
11. We can go to the front of the season-ticket waiting list if we ask nicely and say how much we really, really want them.
12. Vendors who take IOUs.
13. Totally awesome halftime shows that we can record on our phones and upload to YouTube and get, like, a million views.
14. A seat ejection system that gets people out of their seats in a manner other than pushing past us in the aisle 12 times every quarter.
15. OK, maybe “Gangnam Style” just the once. It is pretty catchy.
16. “All you can heckle” sections.
17. A promise that the home team will call a timeout whenever we have to use the bathroom or go to the concession stand.
18. Players on the bench must return our eye contact with a nod and say, “’Sup.”
19. Everyone in attendance gets to punch the mascot in the gut as hard as we can one time. Two times if the first attempt didn’t land the way we wanted.
20. Seats that are exact replicas of our sofas -- and that have change in the cushions so we can pay that beer vendor in case he calls in our IOUs.