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Pay college athletes to reduce snack crime

Those of us who are fans of college football or cheap snack food – so, basically every single American, according to TV ratings and waist lines – are likely aware of a growing trend: thieving college athletes.

December 16, 2011: Penn State quarterback Rob Bolden is cited for stealing a bottle of Gatorade and two bags of chips – items totaling $5.17 – from an on-campus store.

March 30, 2012: Florida Gators basketball player Erving Walker is arrested for stealing a $3 taco from a Gainesville, Fla., street vendor.

May 8, 2012: West Virginia football players Darwin Cook and Terence Garvin are arrested for stealing three bottles of Gatorade, two bags of Doritos and two bags of pretzels from a convenience store.

Meanwhile, the debate rages on over whether college athletes should be paid. Ridiculous.

Few have made the case that big-time college athletes should be pulling in six figures on top of their free education. That’s a bit much. At the same time, we can all agree that college athletes should be paid enough that they don’t have to steal tacos and Gatorade. No man should be reduced to stealing tacos and Gatorade.

How about we start by paying every college athlete with quarters for the vending machine? The big brains of college football can pick up the debate from there.

But let’s at least come to the decision that college athletes should be paid something. Even peanuts. Actual peanuts.