Pink bats give players boost in batter's box

Pink bats on Mother’s Day has to be one of the best new sports traditions to emerge in the last decade. It gives us warm feelings in our hearts and legitimately raises awareness for breast cancer, unlike the normal wood-tone bats, which give us no warm feelings and probably raise awareness for something lame, like gout.

It turns out that those who embrace the pink bats incur a considerable advantage when they step up to the plate. Last year, those who used pink bats on Mother’s Day posted a collective .285 batting average, while those who didn’t use them hit a tepid .216. This year’s pink batsmen hit .303, while those swinging non-pink bats hit .266. And out of the teams whose starters used the least amount of pink bats, four out of five -- Brewers, Indians, Angels, Mets -- lost their games.

The lesson here is that if you don’t love your mom then you’ll never ever amount to anything. So start hugging her and taking out the garbage as much as you possibly can, and maybe by Mother’s Day next year you’ll score a minor league contract with the Twins.

I love you, Mom!