Inside the '98 Canseco-Clemens pool party

Just imagine the wacky shenanigans these two merry pranksters could get into at a pool party! Getty Images

The sleep-inducing Roger Clemens trial is coming down to opposing claims about Clemens’ presence at a 1998 pool party at Jose Canseco’s house.

Clemens and his defense team say he wasn’t there. The prosecution, a photograph, and a witness who was 11 years old at the time say he was.

Why does Clemens continue to insist he wasn’t at the party, even though there are eyewitnesses? Would his attendance even hurt his defense that much?

Here’s what we know or can assume about the party:

  • Jose Canseco was hosting, most likely wearing a shirt like this.

  • The party was for the Toronto Blue Jays, so that means dudes such as Ed Sprague, Woody Williams and Craig Grebeck were probably in attendance.

  • Clemens, according to testimony, had “bleach-blond” hair.

  • Clemens’ wife, children AND his nanny were allegedly there -- and the nanny was apparently sporting a peach bikini.

  • This was 1998, so there was probably pretty much non-stop Chumbawamba, Spice Girls and Celine Dion pumping from the speakers.

  • Everyone was making fresh Monica Lewinsky jokes and talking about “Titanic,” “Armageddon” and “Friends.”

  • All the kids were playing Pokemon on their Game Boys.

In short, this would have been the coolest party EVER. Why would Clemens say he wasn’t there? He would have had to have been insane to miss this party.

Whoa. That’s it. Clemens is setting up the insanity defense.

Am I close, Roger? Or, in the words of Next, who had the No. 1 song in 1998, perhaps even ... “Too Close?"

• Also see from the Page 2 Vault: Roger Clemens perjury trial bingo cards