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Just like dad, Kim Jong-un a boss at sports

Kim Jong-il was probably the greatest athlete who ever lived. As has been widely documented, he shot five holes-in-one in his first try at golf and he once bowled a 300. Considering he could change the weather based on his moods, he was probably a boss at Ultimate Frisbee.

But what about his son, North Korea’s new leader, Kim Jong-un? It’s been reported that he’s a huge basketball fan, but little has been revealed about his godlike athletic prowess.

Though we lost several interns in the process, Fandom’s sources have been able to penetrate the mysterious regime and uncover some incredible details about the Supreme Commander’s physical super-abilities. And to say the least, he’s a chip off the ol’ block.

  • While Kim Jong-Il famously traveled everywhere by train, his rotund successor travels exclusively via somersault. It is said that he can cover up to a thousand miles of terrain per day. Glorious.

  • Kim Jong-un is taller than Wilt Chamberlain and is twice as good with women.

  • His talent as a bow hunter is unparalleled. He once dropped two bears and a yeti with a single arrow, and the animals let out beautiful, high-pitched growls in recognition of his superiority as they expired. Then a flock of doves formed a silhouette of his face before a resplendent sunset.

  • Kim Jong-un reportedly played a secret exhibition game with some of this NHL’s biggest stars this past summer. More astonishing than the fact that he notched a Gordie Howe hat trick in his first time on the ice? He did it while playing goalie.

  • Why did Kim Kardashian leave Kris Humphries? The Great Leader isn’t one to kiss and tell, but word is his jump shot might’ve played a role. He’d never date a woman with the same first name, though. That’s straight up heresy.