"Can't nothing break Floyd Mayweather," said Floyd Mayweather about his jail sentence shortly before being locked up. "Whatever hand is dealt to you in life, you've got to deal with it. That's called being a real man."
By his own definition of "real man," the pound-for-pound king seems to be anything but. After less than two weeks behind bars, Mayweather's lawyers are fighting to get him moved to house arrest, arguing that the less-than-world-class accommodations are threatening to end his boxing career.
It does sound oppressive. Mayweather, who is serving time for abusing a mother in front of her children, drinks bottled water only, so having to tolerate tap water has left him insufficiently hydrated. He also doesn't get to eat as many calories as he is used to, and his 7-by-12 cell doesn't allow him the floor space to do his favorite exercises.
Having earned something close to $45 million in his most recent fight, perhaps "Money" Mayweather thought his green would afford him his own special Green Mile, complete with pimped-out Gucci mice and a Tom Hanks guy who could slip him Wagyu steak on the sly.
That's not the case, of course, which means we're free to speculate about what hardships the champ will complain about next.
Without the moral support of best pal 50 Cent, Mayweather will grow despondent every time he sees the 50 cent price tag on the knockoff Little Debbies at the commissary.
Unequipped to make it rain with anything but toilet paper, he'll sink into a deep depression.
No separate accommodations for his new entourage members, Pillow Case, Scratchy Sock, Duracell Battery and Loose Cigarette.
He'll take extreme offense to the chaplain's suggestion that there is a being more deserving of praise than Floyd Mayweather.
He'll be offered early release in July for good behavior, but at the last minute, the judge will revoke it and award it to Timothy Bradley.