Promotional ideas for the Miami Marlins

Contrary to reports, the Marlins actually do fill a few of the seats at their new stadium during games. Emilio Collavino

The Marlins have been around for two decades, have won two World Series titles and have a new stadium. Yet the team has just one sellout in its new home, and attendance is already down to 25,000 a night. If Major League Baseball was ever going to catch on in South Florida, it would have caught on by now.

That’s not a slight against South Floridians. They obviously have better things to do than sit in a baseball stadium for three hours 81 days a year.

Yet the fact remains that the Marlins have a new stadium to fill. They need to start pulling out all the stops with their promotional schedule.

  • Fish Fry Fridays – If you can catch a fish from the in-stadium aquarium, the Marlins will fry it up for you for free!

  • Not Fidel Castro Appreciation Days – For this promotion, the Marlins promise that none of their employees will say they love and respect Fidel Castro for an entire day!

  • “Dexter” Nights – One lucky fan in attendance will be able to pick someone in their life who has wronged them. The Miami-based, serial-killing star of Showtime’s “Dexter” will then eliminate that person.

  • Albert Pujols Impersonator Nights – Would people attend Marlins games if the team had been able to sign Albert Pujols? Maybe. Probably not. But maybe. So maybe a few fans will come out to see Pujols look-alikes. Each night’s contest winner gets to start at first base and bat cleanup.

  • Jeff Ireland Job Giveaway Nights – One lucky fan in attendance will be selected and given the job of Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland for 24 hours.

  • Something Other Than Baseball (We Promise) Days – Come out to the park! While a major league baseball game will be played, the Marlins promise stuff other than baseball will go on, too! Stuff that you like! Maybe they’ll show a movie on the big screen. Or maybe there will be a circus in foul territory. You won’t know what you missed if you don’t show up!

  • Destroy the Center Field Sculpture Abomination Days – Own a rock, brick or small explosive? Come and throw it at that thing in the outfield.