Fandom's resident curmudgeon is venting

Current stuff that’s twisting my intestines in a knot.

So NASCAR is going to have its first electric pace car.

I was hoping that by the futuristic-sounding year of 2012, NASCAR would have already had an atomic-powered pace car and a flying pace car. There were electric cars decades before NASCAR became reality, so let me know when something that is seriously futuristic happens.

So Major League Baseball might cave to having advertising on uniforms.

That’s a great idea! Remove your logo, that thing that generates all kinds of brand recognition and merchandising revenue, and replace it with the logo of a different company. It looks so great on European soccer jerseys. In fact, this is such a great idea car makers should do it, too. “Me? I drive a Pizza Hut. Always have, always will.”

So the Red Sox snubbed Theo Epstein on Fenway Park's 100th anniversary.

That doesn’t bother me so much. You know what does get my goat, though? People who complain about hot dogs. “Do you know what’s in those things?” they always say as you’re about to bite into one. No, I don’t, but I know that whatever it is, it tastes awesome. Ironically, these are usually the same people who give old-time Native Americans props for using every part of the buffalo.

So Philip Humber pitched a perfect game.

Here’s what’s been keeping me up at night since I was a kid: What is the definition of an ultimate perfect game? Is it a game where the pitcher strikes out all 27 batters on three pitches each? Or is it a game where the pitcher gets 27 outs on 27 pitches? I’d like to get this resolved soon because one of those two things is gonna happen one of these days.

So Donovan McNabb thinks he belongs in the Hall of Fame.

Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. But one thing we know for sure: Hall of Fame voters don’t like to be told what to do -- especially by the candidates themselves. Now they’re gonna circle the wagons and look for reasons not to elect him. It’s human nature. What McNabb should have done was hire a professional lobbyist who could craftily suggest to the voters that his client belongs there. It works in Washington.