Ex-Brave Brad Clontz does dubstep music

You remember Brad Clontz, right? Sidearm reliever, won a World Series with the ’95 Braves, had the kind of slider that worked so well in video games that it made your little brother complain to your mom?

Well, he’s been up to some stuff since he left the majors in 2000. Like impersonating babies, for instance, and working in casino marketing.

Also: dubstep.

As confirmed by Chipper himself, Clontz has been stringing together fresh-to-death beats under the name Club Clontz, not to be mistaken with Club Clotz, a swanky new chain of deep vein thrombosis treatment centers.

Listening through his tracks, it’s nothing you’d expect from a 41-year-old former disciple of Bobby Cox. So far he’s posted five club mixes, each more than an hour in length, and they all sound like the kind of music that Ryan Lochte would listen to while throwin’ up deuces at some Vegas poolside as steamy girls in angel bikinis poke his abs.

I’ve found it’s enormously enjoyable to turn on “Believe The Hype” and imagine Fred McGriff in a mesh hat rhythmically gyrating his fanny right in front of Mark Lemke’s face, with Lemke trying to ignore it by fumbling awkwardly with a Rubik's Cube. Then Jeff Blauser walks in and starts line-dancing so the Crime Dog will think he’s cool, but he loses his footing and topples into a cart of used jocks.

It should be noted, by the way, that the only comment on “Believe The Hype” is one from Clontz himself that simply says, “Sick!”

Have a listen through the tuneskies and give us your thoughts. Would you play them to get amped before a wild night on the town? Would you play them at your wedding? How about as the official soundtrack to your team’s baseball season (cc: Fredi Gonzalez)? Let us know in the comments.