Win Powerball, spend like an athlete

Like a rich athlete, a Powerball winner would have the loot for some useful things and a whole lotta useless crap. Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images

If you win today’s Powerball at $500 million, you could live like your favorite sports stars, without ever having to actually play (kind of like Greg Oden).

So what could you buy, tech-wise and beyond, to go toe-to-toe with the outrageous spending of today’s sporting elite? Here are some ideas:

1. $3,500 personal ATM (DeShawn Stevenson, Atlanta Hawks)

It’s so hard to find an ATM when you need it most. You know, like when you’re in your house. DeShawn Stevenson will never have that problem since installing an ATM in his own abode. It’s rumored to be stocked with $20,000 and refilled six times a year. I was going to make a joke about a transaction fee, but apparently he actually charges $4.50.

2. Aquarium fish tank bed (Chad Johnson, NFL free agent)

The man formerly known as Ochocinco gave a whole new meaning to the phrase “sleep with the fishes” when he had an arching aquarium installed over his bed’s headboard. To continue the aquatic theme, his living room has a shark tank surrounded by three HDTVs -- because, clearly, four HDTVs would have been over the top.

3. $1,000-a-month cable bill (Eddy Curry, NBA free agent)

When Curry was ordered to pay off $1.2 million in debt, he argued he couldn’t afford it because of existing bills, which included a grand per month in cable and satellite TV service, according to the court order. Clearly he was never offered Time Warner’s Triple Play.

4. Private jet with logo (Michael Jordan)

When you fly like Michael Jordan, you know it’s gotta be the shoes. Or the Carolina-blue personalized plane with the Air Jordan logo.

5. Gold and diamond head pendant (Marquis Daniels, Milwaukee Bucks)

Personalized bobbleheads are nothing compared to a customized face inlaid with diamonds. So much for going to Jared.

6. Pet alligator (Darnell Dockett, Arizona Cardinals)

Arizona Cardinals DT Darnell Dockett has a pet baby alligator named “Nino.” No word if he still has a pet cat.

7. Hello Kitty Smart Car (Antonio Garay, San Diego Chargers)

With a Hello Kitty Smart Car, at least Garay will never have a problem finding his vehicle in the players’ parking lot. Forget rollin’ on dubs, this guy is rollin’ on cutez.

8. $100,0000 semi-truck (Chad Johnson)

While recent photos show Johnson spent $300,000 on a new Lamborghini (after being released by the Dolphins), I personally prefer the truck purchase he made when he turned 32 in 2010: a semi. Look out, Grave Digger.

9. Create your own wine label (Keyshawn Johnson, ESPN analyst)

When it comes to wine, the former NFL wideout apparently has a B.Y.O.L. policy -- bring your own label, that is. When the KJ1 label was first announced back in July, Johnson said in a press release that he’s "enjoyed wine for years and for me, Cabernet is king." C’mon man ... just give me the damn white zinfandel!

10. Superman Bed (Shaq)

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a giant-sized Superman bed. Apparently, it's 15 feet x 30 feet. Your move, Dwight Howard.