Resolutions for a new year

It's time to look ahead to 2013. While we can all resolve to do more in our communities, respect our elders and be kind to dogs, here are a few resolutions from around baseball.

San Francisco Giants: To acquire some overrated veteran in midseason that everybody says won’t help us and then defy all the so-called experts who say we can't win it all.

Mike Trout: To do more of this and this and this.

Oakland A’s: To win the fifth game of a division series.

Jim Leyland: Stop smoking. Although it would help if they gave me a closer.

Los Angeles Dodgers: That Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke become the 2013 version of Koufax and Drysdale, that Matt Kemp wins the MVP Award, that Hanley Ramirez goes 30-30, that we make our first World Series since 1988, and to quote Tommy Lasorda, "Say 'Dodgers' and people know you're talking about baseball. Say 'Braves' and they ask, 'What reservation?' Say 'Reds' and they think of communism. Say 'Padres' and they look around for a priest." And if that doesn't work, spend more money next year.

Joe Girardi: To not bench a 43-homer guy in the playoffs in favor of somebody who was hurt all season.

New York Mets: Offer financial advice to Congress if it needs help on this whole fiscal cliff thing.

Texas Rangers: Make sure all players have unlimited access to chewing tobacco and Red Bull all season long.

Josh Hamilton: Hit like this for six months instead of three.

Chase Headley: To win another RBI title. Wait ... I won an RBI title? On a team that finished 10th in runs scored? While playing in Petco? Man, I flew under the radar, didn't I? How much do you think the Dodgers will pay me in a couple of years?

R.A. Dickey: To do more of this and help Canadians forget about hockey.

Seattle Mariners: Acquire not one, but THREE cleanup hitters, one who hit 36 home runs, one who hit 34 and another who hit 34. Hey, resolution already completed ! (Just pretend it’s 2009.)

Chicago Cubs: To remind fans that although we lost 100 games for the first time since 1966, we won 87 games in 1967.

Miguel Cabrera: Hit the ball hard.

Alex Rodriguez: Eat more popcorn.

Joey Votto: To win a ring for Dusty.

Boston Red Sox: To provide a World Series title for all those suffering 5-year-olds who have never seen us win a championship in their lifetimes.

Philadelphia Phillies: To give Cliff Lee some run support.

Bryce Harper: To do this about 30 times this year.

Justin Upton: Get back to All-Star status, contend for the MVP Award, and remind people that I'm one of the best players in the game and not trade bait.

Cleveland Indians: To be better than the Browns or Cavs. Which, admittedly, isn't aiming real high.

Minnesota Twins: To get the last laugh when Kevin Correia, Vance Worley and Mike Pelfrey combine to win 45 games.

Chris Sale: Throw 200-plus innings, win 20 games, win the Cy Young Award.

Tampa Bay Rays: To score more runs, since our bullpen is unlikely to repeat its league-leading 2.88 ERA and we have to replace James Shields' 227 innings.

Ryan Braun: To reaffirm that I'm the best player in the National League.

Ozzie Guillen: To stop *&$(*## swearing.

Pittsburgh Pirates: To play better in August and September. No, seriously!

Yoenis Cespedes: Say it out loud: American League MVP.

St. Louis Cardinals: To finish in second place for the fourth straight season, do some damage in the playoffs, maybe win another World Series title, and make everyone forget we've won only one division title in six years.

Miami Marlins: To provide the best possible club for our fans so they can enjoy the fine entertainment product that is Major League Baseball. (And to trade Giancarlo Stanton for four guys we can then trade away in 2016.)

Albert Pujols: Hit a home run in April.

Baltimore Orioles: Prove 'em all wrong again.

Atlanta Braves: Make sure Chipper takes some batting practice every now and then. You know ... just in case.

Buster Posey: To have an encore performance.

Colorado Rockies: To remind everyone that we still exist.

Washington Nationals: To get one more out.

Toronto Blue Jays: Sign Michael Bourn and Kyle Lohse. What, too much?

Kansas City Royals: As long as we stick to the process, we don’t need any resolutions.

Houston Astros: To avoid 110 losses.

Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Andy Pettitte: To put together one more run.

Delmon Young: Eat better, exercise more, drink less and practice my throws from the outfield.