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The all-Haiku season preview

At ESPN.com and around the Web, you'll see preseason previews full of projections, tables, diagrams and paragraphs explaining why your team will or will not be playing in October. I offer you this condensed analysis, via traditional Japanese poetic verse.

Orioles

Record in close games

Screams "regression to the mean"

Do they have an ace?

Red Sox

Valentine dismissed

As hub fans bid wins adieu

Need more from Lester

Yankees

The "House that Ruth Built"

Now the "Hospice that Wealth Filled"

Luxury tax pinch

Rays

Dismal park, great team

Seems we've seen this act before

Pitching covers warts

Blue Jays

Marlins fire sale

Makes them trendy choice in East

Canada is goosed

White Sox

Homers and strikeouts

Makes for haphazard offense

Pitching solid though

Indians

Roster turnover

Not as tasty as "apple"

Team defense improved?

Tigers

V-Mart returning

Bolsters lineup but defense

And closer concerns

Royals

Revamped rotation

Improved but still question mark

Hosmer must step up

Twins

Joe "head and shoulders"

Above teammates in talent

Time to deal Morneau?

Astros

One hundred losses

Is a given but they seem

To have plan in place

Angels

They spent plenty of

Franklins on a Hamilton

Washington (Ron) laughs

Athletics

Last year's magic run

Cause for optimism or

A one-trick pony?

Mariners

Fences in, Chone out

How will new dimensions play?

King Felix won't care

Rangers

Young was restless, dealt

Hamilton was a handful

Happier clubhouse?

Braves

Double your Uptons

Double your fun? Team won't be

Quite as Chipper though

Marlins

They are a liner

Named "Andrea Loria"

Man the lifeboats now!

Mets

Worst outfield ever?

Iconic/ironic move

Of hosting Amway

Phillies

Age in the infield

Halladay's fastball slowing

Brotherly love ebbs

Nationals

Strasburg for full year

Stacked lineup and bullpen too

The class of the league?

Cubs

"Please take our Sori!"

As rebuilding continues

Do fans trust process?

Reds

No Astros to pound

So they'll spread the pain around

Rest of division

Brewers

BrewCrew is Hartless

And Gamel lost for the year

Braun, Weeks, A-Ram and ... ???

Pirates

Teased us last two years

Major league depth improving

Is '13 lucky?

Cardinals

Furcal, Carpenter

Two huge losses for Redbirds

How soon Taveras?

Diamondbacks

Justin Upton dealt

Did Arizona get robbed?

All eyes on Eaton

Rockies

Todd Helton STILL here?

Hope Tulo ages better

Signed for eight more years

Dodgers

Crawford's bad elbow

Other stars' health might slow down

L.A.'s title chase

Padres

Is it '14 yet?

Farm system ripe with prospects

Help Headley, Maybin

Giants

Pitching still the key

Timmy cuts hair trying for

A reverse Samson?

Diane Firstman runs the Value Over Replacement Grit blog, where you can now follow her latest March Moniker Madness tournament. She's on Twitter @dianagram.