The world's most bizarre, innovative and entertaining sports take center stage for The Ocho. Take a look through our viewer's guide, and visit WatchESPN for more.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY LOBSTER STUDIO
Dodgeball: The Movie
Midnight and 10 p.m. ETIt's the beloved sports film that gave birth to "The Ocho" moniker, not to mention immortal lines like, "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." Click here to read the origin story of "The Ocho" joke, as explained by "Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story" writer/director Rawson Marshall Thurber.
The highest RPMs
3 a.m.A 7-on-7 game, in which the winner is the first team to reach 15 goals, and participants are prohibited from using the word "Frisbee" under penalty of a permanent ban from the sport. It's a disc, brah. The Seattle Sockeye won last year's US Open Championships thanks to a winning goal by the perfectly named Dylan Freechild.
5 a.m.You may call it "bags" or "baggo," but the industry seems to have settled on the much more dignified "cornhole." Because this game was invented by your drunken uncles on the back lawn at a Memorial Day cookout, some participants in the professional American Cornhole League even hold cups during the event! Also, jorts are not only welcomed at the ACL Pro Invitational, they're encouraged.
8 a.m.It's the 2007 World Sport Stacking Championships, in which you'll see some skilled teens and preteens stack a bunch of cups amazingly fast. Invented by the kid at your son's birthday party who takes a new cup every time he needs more punch. You either write names on the cups, or it's straight-up chaos.
The bouncy sport
4 a.m.This 2-on-2 trampoline-and-ball game is also referred to as "roundnet," though we're not sure by whom. To play, the ball is spiked into the net, and a team can take three touches at a time before returning it into the net. The goal is to hit a shot your opponents can't return. Very popular among beachgoers who enjoy having to carry another big thing.
6 a.m.What better way to ease into your Wednesday morning than with retrospective programming commemorating some formalized gluttony? The 2006 eating season, as you no doubt recall, was dominated by the legendary Takeru Kobayashi, when his digestive tract was in its prime.
2 a.m.Dodgeball is a tough game. It can be a painful game. Now imagine playing it on a giant trampoline. That's essentially what Sky Zone Ultimate Dodgeball is. The championships feature four 10-player teams hurtling through the air in an attempt to avoid being smacked by 70 mph dodgeballs.
The reimagined playground sport
1 p.m.An incredibly popular sport in India, this 7-on-7 event is a tag-style indoor team game in which a player runs to the opponent's side of the field and attempts to tag as many defenders as possible before being tackled. Essentially, televised "Red Rover."
7 a.m.If you don't know what pingpong is, you're a time traveler visiting us from the prehistoric era. Welcome! Pingpong, known by certain self-important snobs as table tennis, is a game that resembles tennis, albeit with 100 percent less cardio, and played in suburban basements everywhere. Not to be confused with beer pong, the drinking game most likely to require a tetanus shot.
5 p.m.This hybrid sport conjoins the two beloved and complementary pastimes of chess and boxing, in a manner not dissimilar to backgammon motocross or Hungry Hungry Hippos biathlon. We'll be tuning in to find out more, but the early guess is it's pretty hard to be good at this if you only concentrate on the chess.
2 p.m.Star Wars buffs, awaken! (Seriously, it's 2 in the afternoon, time to face the day you guys.) This sport is pretty much what you would expect from the name. Saber Combat, which mostly features one-to-one dueling, looks like sword fighting or fencing, but is contested with weaponry you might want to call "lightsabers" ... but Disney trademark lawyers would advise against that. "Sabers" it is!
6 p.m.Somewhat like the Olympics, here are a bunch of sports which no one could possibly care about individually. Taken together, however, they arguably add up to something watchable:
Headis: Soccer-heading a big Nerf ball at your opponent on a pingpong table -- how do you learn this game without a period of apprenticeship that includes multiple cranial fractures?
World Juggling Federation championships: Competitors juggle a bunch of balls, rings and giant billy clubs, but not flaming knives, sadly.
Trick shot grand prix (billiards): We'll say what everyone is thinking -- how are these players not the best in the world at just making the regular shots?
Rock-paper-scissors championships: This competition utilizes "full hustler rules," which is perhaps not as fun as it sounds.
Sepak Takraw: Here are two words that appear to be misspelled but are actually defined as 3-on-3 volleyball played with your feet, and using a ball made of ... I want to say wicker?
Dodge Juggle (above): People throwing dodgeballs at jugglers. See also: bullying.
Dodgeball World Cup
8 p.m.This year's World Cup, a 5-on-5 event with five (cloth, not rubber) dodgeballs in play at once, was held in New York and featured the top 10 men's, women's and coed teams from Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe and North America. What's more, it's events like this one that have a chance to finally put Madison Square Garden on the map.
The pushiest sport