A few thoughts about Michael Phelps

Wed, Nov 11

At a World Cup short-course swim meet in Stockholm on Tuesday, Michael Phelps failed to qualify for the finals in two events and barely advanced to a third. He initially blamed his results on an older, lower-tech swimsuit, but after the rest of the press left for the night -- read: we made it up -- Phelps offered additional excuses:

• All the Doritos and Gummi Bears caught in my beard created a lot of drag

• The other swimmers were clearly half-man, half-machine … all cop

• I was hoping if I wore a two-piece, the host country would invite me to join their bikini team

• I thought it was throwback night

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