Today, Page 2 suggests you don't leave your house.
It's a madhouse out there, and Page 2 knows exactly what people want for the holidays:
• Jimmy Clausen needs boxing lessons or the ability to see behind him.
• Jimmie Johnson needs a little respect from those outside NASCAR.
• LeBron James needs a new wheelbarrow to carry Shaq. And some new shocks.
• Ben Roethlisberger needs a bigger padded helmet. One for Kurt Warner, too.
• Theo Epstein desperately needs Roy Halladay.
• The Buffalo Bills need someone (besides Mike Martz) to answer their want ad.
• Allen Iverson needs a call from a contender and a body that can back up his mouth.
• Jeff Fisher needs a time machine so he could have started Vince Young 3 weeks ago.
• The New Jersey Nets need owner Jay-Z to perform nightly to fill the stands.
• And the Page 2 staff needs antacid after eating all that turkey on Thursday.