We know what people want for Christmas

Fri, Nov 27

Today, Page 2 suggests you don't leave your house.

It's a madhouse out there, and Page 2 knows exactly what people want for the holidays:

• Jimmy Clausen needs boxing lessons or the ability to see behind him.

• Jimmie Johnson needs a little respect from those outside NASCAR.

• LeBron James needs a new wheelbarrow to carry Shaq. And some new shocks.

• Ben Roethlisberger needs a bigger padded helmet. One for Kurt Warner, too.

• Theo Epstein desperately needs Roy Halladay.

• The Buffalo Bills need someone (besides Mike Martz) to answer their want ad.

• Allen Iverson needs a call from a contender and a body that can back up his mouth.

• Jeff Fisher needs a time machine so he could have started Vince Young 3 weeks ago.

• The New Jersey Nets need owner Jay-Z to perform nightly to fill the stands.

• And the Page 2 staff needs antacid after eating all that turkey on Thursday.