Baseball's winter meetings began Monday in Indianapolis, and as usual, some teams will be bigger players than others. The low-spending Pittsburgh Pirates don't have much left to do this week, however, after trading away Nate McLouth, Nyjer Morgan, Adam LaRoche, Jack Wilson, Ian Snell and Freddy Sanchez last season. Here's how we envision Pittsburgh general manager Neal Huntington will spend his days in Indy.
6 a.m.: Get up to check messages. Seeing none, set phone's ringer to loud so incoming call will wake him up. Go back to sleep.
9:45 a.m.: Maid's knock on the door finally disturbs his slumber.
10:30 a.m.: Call Theo Epstein to get Scott Boras' number.
10:35 a.m.: Call Boras. Shrug off initial response of "No seriously, who is this?"
10:36 a.m.: Make offer for Matt Holliday.
10:38 a.m.: Wait for Boras to stop laughing.
10:40 a.m.: Call Pirates owner Robert Nutting to let him know that $5 million and all the Primanti Brothers sandwiches he can eat isn't enough to land Holliday.
11 a.m.: Take advantage of hotel wireless to play "World of Warcraft" while waiting for phone to ring.
2:15 p.m.: Lunch with Royals GM Dayton Moore. Discuss theories about the last season of "Lost."
2:45 p.m.: Check arrives.
3:30 p.m.: After 45-minute staredown over who will pay the bill, Brian Cashman walks over in disgust and picks up the tab.
4 p.m.: Nap.
7 p.m.: Put on tuxedo for cocktail hour.
7:15 p.m.: Grab service tray. Attempt to trade bacon-wrapped scallops for left-handed relief help.
7:45 p.m.: Give up and have a few drinks.
8:30 p.m.: Drunk-dial Peyton Manning. Tell him he can call his own pitches and bark out commands to teammates from the mound if he's willing to switch sports.
9:30 p.m.: Track down Bud Selig and plead with him to eliminate the keeper-league aspect of MLB.
11 p.m.: Head to bed to prepare for another big day.
11:10 p.m.: Realize hopeless role and log back on to "World of Warcraft."