The NBA is banning straws? What's next?

Fri, Feb 26
Caron Butler
Ronald Martinez/Getty ImagesCaron Buter reacts angrily to the straw ban.

So what do we call this one? Strawgate?

The NBA has now put an end to Caron Butler's neurotic and bizarre habit of chewing straws during games. (As if the league doesn't have anything else to concern itself with.) The ban was "justified" by NBA VP of communications Tim Frank, who said the chewing of straws during games was "a safety issue."

Anyway, with all the things going on in the Association right now, we have to ask, why single out straws? It seems personal. If the NBA is going to place regulations on what players consume on the sidelines, they might as well go all-out and shut everything down.

• No toothpicks. (Don't want anyone looking like Archbishop Don "Magic" Juan.)

• No suckers or lollipops. (Don't want anyone looking like Telly Savalas, or an extra in an LL video.)

• No chewing on or biting fingernails. (Uh, LeBron … )

• No gum chewing or popping.

• No Starburst, Skittles, Reese's Pieces or Jelly Bellies.

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