To: Page 2 Editorial Staff
Congratulations, Run for Your Life, John Wall!
I'm confused. People here in D.C. are totally excited about the Wizards winning the NBA draft lottery. They're pumped for John Wall. Um, hello? You know that part in "Star Wars" where Obi-Wan Kenobi feels a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced? It's kind of like that -- only instead of the Death Star vaporizing Alderaan, everyone all at once simply forgot where they live.
Look, Washington isn't Chicago, Miami, Los Angeles, New York. It's not even Pittsburgh. It's the End Zone, the place where sports stars and saviors go to die -- via bad luck (Gilbert Arenas' knee injury), self-immolation (Arenas' penchant for handguns) or both (Arenas' knee injury giving him idle time to indulge his penchant for handguns).
I've lived here too long. I've seen too much. Michael Jordan was supposed to be Michael Jordan. Nope. Chamique Holdsclaw was supposed to be the female Michael Jordan. Uh-uh. Steve Spurrier came in like a Lion -- we'll always have Osaka -- and went out like Elmer Fudd. Jaromir Jagr was a bust, Mitch Richmond was a burned-out husk, Freddie Adu evoked more comparisons to Tattoo from "Fantasy Island" than Pele. (As in: I just made the first Tattoo comparison). The Joe Gibbs II era was exactly the same as "Return of the King," provided the movie ended with Sauron shopping for just the right necklace to go with the One Ring. Mia Hamm played so well, her entire league folded. Alex Ovechkin is fantastic, unless he's skating for anything of significance. We finally got revenge on the Cleveland Cavs by sending them Antawn Jamison. In an undisclosed location under the Pentagon, there are probably still unopened boxes of Bruce Smith Sack King T-shirts.
I could go on. Alternately, I could bring up the last time the Wizards landed the No. 1 pick. Remember Kwame Brown? The guy who made Darko Milicic look like an overachiever? I do. I remember all of it. And you know what they say about those who fail to recall the past
Anyway, should I write something?