Well, it's come to this. Saturday's Northwestern-Illinois football game will be played under some odd ground rules because of the configuration of the playing field at Wrigley Field.
All offensive plays will head toward the West end zone, including extra points and overtime possessions.
Just this week, Illinois wide receiver Eddie McGee told The Daily Northwestern, "I'm just interested to play on the type of [multi-use] field teams like the Miami Dolphins and Oakland Raiders [have]," McGee said.
Well, you got your wish, Eddie: A field with potential scoring in only one end zone, just like in Miami.
Some other rules for the teams, you know, for safety:
• Wash your hands after petting Northwestern's mascot, Willie.
• No one is to make eye contact with fans in the East end zone. They're very angry about this whole deal.
• Don't listen to Ernie Banks. We're only playing one.
• NO SHOTGUN FORMATIONS. You'll shoot your eye out.
• Don't pick the ivy. It isn't real.
• Please try to avoid Desmond Howard.
• You'll both be on the same sideline. Keep your hands to yourself. Stay on your side of the line.
• Northwestern is not allowed to use any of its superbacks.
• Illinois quarterback Nathan Scheelhaase has to sell some vowels.
• Players will have to wait 30 minutes to swim after eating.
• Under no circumstances is anyone to talk to Ron Zook about the bowl game.