Rich Rodriguez assures Michigan loss to Ohio State

Mon, Jun 6

Disgraced former Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel made headlines over the weekend by guaranteeing the Buckeyes would defeat archrival Michigan this season.

Tressel made the prediction while addressing a group of approximately 200 delusional myopic loyal fans who rallied at his Upper Arlington, Ohio, home on Saturday.

Page 2's dubious network of sources reports that former Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez has gone a step further, not only predicting a Wolverines loss but implying it could be the most lopsided defeat in the history of the series, which dates to 1897.

Apparently, unwilling to be upstaged by his former nemesis, Rodriguez didn't mince words while addressing seven people who attended an open house at his Ann Arbor, Mich., home, which has been on the market since January.

"There are neither legends nor leaders on this team," Rodriguez allegedly told the group. "I should know. I recruited them. ... They're going to get [expletive] pummeled. I'm gonna guess 63-7 or something like that."

One of the seven attendees allegedly became belligerent and set fire to a Chaise lounge on the front porch when Rodriguez's real estate agent failed to provide cocktails during a tour of the home. The ensuing blaze burned the home to its foundation.

"It shouldn't have come as much of a surprise," said Greg Robinson, a source who spoke to Page 2 on the condition of anonymity. "The guy was wearing a Michigan State shirt."

All statements in this report should be taken with a grain of salt, if not the entire shaker, and presumed false unless proven otherwise.