Following Miami's recruiting path

Originally Published: April 2, 2012
By DJ Gallo | Page 2

Are you at least 6-foot-1 and 230-plus pounds?

If so, and if you can enroll at Miami, you could become an offensive lineman for the Miami Hurricanes -- not long ago one of the most dominating football teams in all the land!

The Miami football program posted fliers around the school's Wellness Center last week that read: "Any student that is at least 6'1 and 230+ pounds that is interested in joining the football team as an Offensive Lineman, please contact the football office."

There are so many problems with this, even beyond the use of "that" where "who" should be, or that "Offensive Line" should not be capitalized; if it was worthy of capitalization, the positioning would have been a focus of recruiting. But again, those are not the major issues. Elite football programs don't have to post fliers around campus looking for linemen. Cocky "The U" players like Warren Sapp, Michael Irvin and Jeremy Shockey are not supposed to be joined in Miami lore by Kevin, a chubby tuba player.

If Miami wants people who are at least 6-1 and 230-plus pounds, they have five of them on their basketball team. That's a whole starting offensive line right there, and those people are confirmed Division I athletes, unlike Kevin.

Or give Sebastian the Ibis a shot. In full costume, it surely meets the required height and weight. I've played EA Sports' NCAA Football in mascot mode with a full team of Sebastians. With the right person at the controls, Sebastian can be great. There's no reason Al Golden can't coach up that hairy bird and lead Miami back to greatness.

But maybe Miami is on to something here. As Tom Deahn, UM's director of football operations, said: "We're just trying to find linemen walk-ons. You get all the skilled guys the traditional way, and you fill your other needs this way."

Who knows? Maybe other programs should post fliers, too.

Illustration by Kurt Snibbe.

DJ Gallo is the founder of He has written a book and written for Comedy Central, The Onion and ESPN The Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter at @DJGalloESPN.

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