Yeah, I've heard about this Web site and I gotta give them credit. They've gotten a ton of press. And God bless 'em, I say. Negative publicity like this only helps us. Trust me when I tell you that Prince sends Tipper Gore a thank-you note every year, or that the creators of "Married With Children" owe a small island filled with gold to that woman from Minnesota.
I noticed the site sells "shorts" for women that read "Closed for the Fantasy Season." Great, no intimacy. My heart goes out to two types of people this fantasy season: Everyone who drafted Tom Brady and the guy married to Allison Lodish.
Allison, if you invested as much time in your marriage as you invested in your Web site, WomenAgainstFantasySports.com, you'd probably be a lot happier. Don't be so angry. Let love in.
In fact, since you claim to be a football fan, why don't you just try it once? Like the loudmouth who complains about a movie's content without having seen it, how can you judge something you've never done? There's a reason 30 million people play fantasy sports.
So instead of hating, join up, and this will be something you and your husband can do together. Here are five quick hints for any woman who wants to hear other guys say, "Man, I wish I was dating a cool chick like Bob is." (Note: This is assuming you are with a guy named Bob.)
1. WHAT IT IS: It's actually very simple. We draft real athletes for our fantasy teams. And how well those athletes do statistically in their real games is how well they do for our teams. It's that simple. Say you have Brett Favre and I have Peyton Manning. Favre throws three touchdowns for the Jets. Well, he has also thrown three touchdowns for your team. Peyton throws two for the Colts. And for my team. If we're playing each other, you are now ahead of me three touchdowns to two. There's more scoring and other positions involved, but at the core, that's all there is to it. You can still sign up for leagues and you can learn even more with a fun, easy-to-understand tutorial.
2. WHY WE'RE SO INTO IT: It's about the competition. By proving how smart we are by picking the right players and beating our friends, we feel better about ourselves. You know how when you walk into a restaurant and immediately size up every other woman there? Or how you'll look at a picture of your guy's ex and think to yourself, "Well, I'm definitely hotter than her." Makes you feel better, right? Same emotion for us. And when you find out your guy's ex is a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie, well, that's how we felt when Brady went down.
3. WHAT WE WANT FROM YOU: Most women don't want to join a league for fear of looking dumb. I get that. But don't worry. We want you dumb in this instance. So we can explain stuff to you and look smart. Before I was divorced, I was married, and before I was married, I was getting married. And when asked about picking our china patterns and the like, I told a female friend, "I don't care. I told her whatever she wants." And I was scolded. "Don't say you don't care. Say you care about it and you like the one she has chosen. She doesn't want your terrible taste to screw up the centerpieces for the wedding, but she wants you to care about the centerpieces." Well, same for us. We'll make all the decisions on who to draft and start. We just want you to care and agree with us.
4. IT'S ACTUALLY FUN: Look, you have the rooting gene in you. And don't think about fantasy as a nerdy, sports thing. Think of it like a reality show or awards show. You know how you say things like, "I can't believe they eliminated her from 'Project Runway'" or, "Seriously, what is Teri Hatcher thinking with that outfit?" You have a rooting interest. You have a reason to care. And when you own players for a fantasy team, you've got a rooting interest in even the most boring sporting event. Seeing your guy score a touchdown is like when the family gets to see the house for the first time on "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition."
5. IT COULD BE WORSE: If the Tony Award-winning musical "Avenue Q" is to be believed, the Internet is for porn. There's lots of stuff for us to do on the World Wide Web. Be happy it's this.
Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- is ESPN's senior director of fantasy. He was just as surprised as you to find out it's a real job. He is a multiple award winner from the Fantasy Sports Writers Association, including a Writer of the Year award. He is also the creator of RotoPass.com, a Web site that combines a bunch of well-known fantasy sites, including ESPN Insider, for one low price. Use promo code ESPN for 10 percent off. Cyberstalk the TMR | Be his cyberfriend