By Jim Caple
Page 2

In announcing he will remain at Duke rather than take the Lakers' job, Mike Krzyzewski cited an impassioned e-mail from a student pleading for him to stay in Durham.

"We get to Duke and we realize you are our coach," the student wrote. "Not just the coach of our team, but you are also our coach, because you believe that we give you something no one else can and we know that you give us something that no one ever could.

"Please still be my coach."

Of course, that wasn't the only appeal Coach K received in his e-mail last weekend ...

From: Prince Kamara of Nigeria
Subject: Please Be My Coach, Still!
I am PRINCE KAMARA the only son of late former Chief Akeem R. Kamara director of Nigeria treasury. My words is my bond, in this proposal. Due to civil unrest in my homeland, I am currently under political asylum in Sierra Leone. Please send full-ride basketball scholarship and $30,000 so I may come to America and share with you $56.4 million my late father diverted from corrupt government. I am 6-10 and can play post. SAT score 1,200 combined.

From: KerryForPrez 2004
Subject: Please Be My V-P!!!
This campaign is about America's future. It's a celebration of American values, fundamental defense, solid academics and traditional haircuts. Together, you and I can work to build an America that, like Duke, is strong on Tobacco Road and seeded No. 1 not just in an NCAA regional but all around the world. How does "Veep K" sound?

From: Pauline
Subject: Drive her to MARCH MADNESS!!!
Guaranteed permanent male growth of 30 percent. Last longer. More pleasure. Doctor recommended and NCAA approved.

From: Jerry Buss
Subject: Sexy NAKED Laker Girls Girls Girls
Tired of staring at sad-sack cheerleaders who got cut from the gymnastics team after they added the 'freshman 15'? Step up to the nation's top XXX-rated dance team! Two dozen luscious HOTTIES in spandex bumping and grinding and doing the nasty right in front of the bench!!! Due to its explicit nature, this offer strictly limited to ADULTS with 600 career wins.

From: Roy Williams
Subject: Here you are ;-)
Attachment: AnnaKournikova.jpg.vbs

From: David Stern
Subject: Winning notification
CONGRATULATIONS! We are pleased to inform you of the announcement today, July 3, 2004, of winners of the NBA DRAFT LOTTERY; Your e-mail address attached to ticket number 789-578-640-434, drew the first pick in the 2005 Draft. Your lottery pick is now in custody of a financial Security company insured in your FILE REFERENCE. Due to the mixup of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until you have accepted the position of LAKERS HEAD COACH and your first-rounder is picked on national television next June.

Subject: Make your CAMERON CRAZY!!!
She'll scream with PLEASURE until she's BLUE in the face when she sees the new, improved you. Risk nothing, comes with a full 100-percent MoneyBack Guarantee.

From: Jeannie Buss
Subject: My ex-boyfriend couldn't satisfy me -- can you?
You got game? Do you have skillz? R U ready to run a man-on-woman offense? Can you get me a ring? I think you are. Show me you're the Devil-ish hunk with a .740 career winning percentage that I've always been looking for.

From: Mail System Delivery Subsystem
Subject: Returned mail: See transcript for details
--- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors ---

--- Do not contact your system administrator. There is not a problem with your service. These people just do not feel like responding ---

From: Herb Sendek
Subject: Hello!

From: Nationwide Mortgages
Subject: Best rates in SoCal!
Our records indicate that you may be searching for a house in the Los Angeles area. Before you buy, check our great mortgage rates -- 15 years as low as 4.5 percent, ARMs as low as 2.5 percent, 3-year-balloons, perfect for coaches, available as well.

Subject: Please Be My Pioneer Ranger!
This campaign is about America's future. As president, I have begun to rebuild America on core Christian values, strong defense, solid education and traditional, tattoo-less personal fashion. I face a stiff campaign this fall, however, and need your help. Please join my battle and qualify for Double-Secret Platinum Pioneer Ranger donor level with a small donation of $200,000 to $2,000,000.

From: JBuss
Subject: They'll never laugh in the locker room again
Why be a 6 seed when you can be a 12? 100-percent natural with no side effects!

From: Cameron Crazy
Subject: Please, Please Me, Coach
All my life I dreamed of being with you. Even when I realized I could never play for Duke I dreamed of just being in the same gym as you, hearing your voice, seeing your eyes, feeling your presence, smelling your breath, stroking your dark, carefully combed tresses. I love you with every fiber of my body. Please, do not leave Duke. Please, do not leave me. Please do not go coach the Lakers. Please stay at Duke. Please, please, please. I need you. I LOVE you. HUG ME, HOLD ME!!!

Jim Caple is a senior writer for