Single page view By Jim Caple
Page 2

In a desperate attempt to cash in on the poker craze, we first gave you "Dogs Playing Poker", based on the classic series of paintings. How can we top that? Only one way, naturally. So, coming soon to the Bravo channel, it's …

"Celebrity Dogs Playing Poker"!

With your host … Huckleberry Hound.

HUCKLEBERRY: Oh, my darlin', have we got a great show for you today. Let's get right to it.

You've seen our first guest in newspapers and you've feared him in the buffet line -- give it up for Marmaduke!

[Marmaduke enters, sits at the table and immediately eats all the snacks -- plus the poker chips, the cards and the green velvet on the table.]

HUCKLEBERRY: We've had some of the great dogs of the past sit at our table -- Rin Tin Tin, Benji, Sandy from Little Orphan Annie … but tonight, we have a dog from the future. From the cast of "The Jetsons," give it up for Astro!

[Astro saunters in wearing a diamond-encrusted dog collar.]

HUCKLEBERRY: I'm warning you, y'all better be on your best behavior tonight because the law is in the house. From TerryToons, it's Deputy Dawg!

[Deputy Dawg enters, looks at Astro's bling and scowls. Marmaduke tries to eat his badge.]

HUCKLEBERRY: People always complain about how out of control celebrity dogs are today -- what with the drinking, the flashy dog collars, the sleeping around with anyone who's in heat -- but they don't have anything on our own original party animal: Spuds McKenzie!

[Spuds enters, escorted by three gorgeous gals in shorts and tight T-shirts. Marmaduke gets slapped when he tries to sniff one gal's rear end.]

HUCKLEBERRY: And last, but certainly not least, we have a very, very special guest tonight. One of the true legends in our business. From the Disney Studios, it's Goofy!

[The audience goes wild as Goofy enters. There is a mixture of excitement and resentment from the other dogs, who are both impressed by Goofy and jealous of his success.

[Huckleberry deals the cards to everyone, and they all bet.]

HUCKLEBERRY: So Spuds, I hear you have another product you're endorsing.

SPUDS: That's right. Iams has hired me to promote its new line of erectile dysfunction medication. It's called "Dog Bones," and trust me, a couple of these with your kibble and there isn't a pant leg in the world you can pass up.

[The flop reveals the queen of hearts, the king of clubs and the 4 of diamonds.]

HUCKLEBERRY: Deputy Dawg, you go back a long way in this business. What's the biggest change you've seen?

DEPUTY DAWG: The way today's dogs are so cotton-picking pampered. Back in my day, we did our own stunts. Heck, we had to. Back then, the directors didn't give a damn whether an animal was hurt in the making of a movie. Nowadays, a dog isn't even allowed to lick himself, let alone chase a cotton-picking car.

[Spuds bets, Astro calls and Goofy raises. Everyone stays in.]

HUCKLEBERRY: So, ol' DD. You got any projects in the works?

DEPUTY DAWG: Well, I'm up for the new McGruff the Crime Dog.

ASTRO: What, McGruff is leaving his police gig?



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