Naturally, he'll still find time for his role as spokesperson for the tobacco industry.
Does all that seem a little ridiculous, a little over the top? Perhaps, but not much more outlandish than some of the St. Theo hyperbole. I'm not sure whether Red Sox fans want Theo rehired or canonized.
Five days into the Post-Theo Era, I suggest everyone drink a nice big glass of Calm Down.
Yes, Theo is an intelligent guy who did an excellent job as the general manager and he can probably do many other things very well in life. But he still was a baseball general manager for crying out loud, not the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staffs, the director of Habitat for Humanity or the guy who developed Google. I mean, White Sox general manager Kenny Williams just accomplished the exact same thing as Theo and with a much smaller payroll. And I don't see anyone anointing Williams as an irreplaceable genius.
Personally, I agree with a friend who thinks Epstein was simply smart enough to get out while he was still revered. With a questionable pitching staff, yet another Manny trade demand ("And this time I really mean it!") and a probable team makeover that does not involve Carson Kressley, the likeliest short-term direction for the Red Sox is down. Perhaps Theo shrewdly decided to leave now as a saint rather than wait until talk radio started complaining that he was a moron.
Either that, or the Jon Daniels hiring in Texas made him feel really old.
Jim Caple is a senior writer at ESPN.com. His first book, "The Devil Wears Pinstripes," is on sale at bookstores nationwide. It also can be ordered through his Web site, Jimcaple.com.