Single page view By Jim Caple
Page 2

I don't feel that bad for Marlins fans. They've had a team for a dozen years and been rewarded with two World Series championships. Excuse Cubs, Giants, Astros, Mariners, Padres, Brewers, Rockies and Indians fans if they don't feel much sympathy.

Plus, I doubt the Marlins will actually move. For all the tough words issued last week, this latest announcement is little more than a required step in the official stadium blackmail shell game.

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When a community rejects a public financing plan for a new stadium, the team always threatens to move. Getting the commissioner's "approval" to explore relocation is the ownership equivalent of the double-dog dare in "A Christmas Story." If this doesn't work, the Marlins can go for the triple-dare by opening up "negotiations" with Portland or Las Vegas. And if that doesn't work, they'll go to the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog dare by which they "enter into an agreement" to sell/move the team.

Even then, that doesn't mean they will actually move. If it did, the Giants would be playing in Tampa Bay and the Twins would be playing in Mayberry or Mount Pilot or whatever North Carolina town it was that Carl Pohlad threatened to unleash the U-Hauls on several years ago.

But rather than going on any further about this, or questioning why relocation issues always follow Jeffrey Loria around, let's get back to the Marlins fans.

Jeffrey Loria
Jeff Loria may move the Florida Marlins to Sin City.

On the one hand, their team has won two world championships in a remarkably short period of time. On the other hand, they were barely able to celebrate the first title before enduring an embarrassing fire sale. They were barely able to enjoy the second before Loria began talking about moving. And now there's another possible fire sale on the way.

Has it been worth it? I mean, really worth it?

Comedy Central did a great MasterCard parody last year that showed the bill coming painfully due to Red Sox fans who had pledged their motorcycle, their house, their first-born child ... and even more for a world championship.

Denis Leary: I don't think I said that.
MasterCard Rep: Yes you did, Mr. Leary. You said, and I quote, "I'd give my left nut to have the Sox win the Series."
Denis Leary: Yeah, that does kind of sound like me. Ah, #&$%.

OK, that's an easy transaction to make. After all, you would still have another testicle to tattoo with your team's logo and the year of its championship. But when push comes to shove, what would you as a fan truly be willing to endure for your favorite team to win it all?

Would you be willing to lose your car in the victory riot? What if it's a nice car?

Would you be willing to go to jail for setting someone else's car on fire in the same riot? What if it's A-Rod's car? OK then, how many years in jail?

Would you be willing to lose your job because you came to work drunk the next day and tried to kiss all your co-workers? What if it meant the big guy in accounting French-kissing you back, then stalking you?



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