Tale of the Tape: Carr vs. Weis vs. Spears
Who's having the worst of it right now -- Michigan football coach Lloyd Carr, Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis, or former pop sensation Britney Spears? Tough call and a good excuse for this tale of the tape.
AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill
We miss the old Britney ... don't you?
Carr: Appalachian State
Weis: Gastric bypass lawsuit
Spears: Once misplaced her kids for a week
MOST OFTEN COMPARED TO
Carr: Jim Tressel
Weis: Ty Willingham
Spears: Paris Hilton, if Paris was skankier and less talented
Carr: Team speed
Weis: Rushing offense
Spears: When lip-synching, track shuts off unexpectedly
Carr: Yelling at defense
Weis: Cursing out officials
Spears: Not applicable
Carr: Hat hair
Spears: Buzz cut
DREAMBOAT QUARTERBACK LINKED TO
Carr: Tom Brady
Weis: Brady Quinn
Spears: Matt Leinart
Weis: Dear God, we hope so
Carr: Bo Schembechler
Weis: Bill Parcells
Carr: Ryan Mallett
Weis: Jimmy Clausen
Spears: The majority of preteen girls in the country, unfortunately
NEXT PLACE YOU'LL SEE THEM ON TV
Carr: Big Ten Network
Carr: Notre Dame
Spears: Someone on "Celebrity Fit Club"
Carr: Network analyst
Weis: Ty Willingham's offensive coordinator
Spears: Jamie Lynn Spears' cautionary tale
Who's the winner er, loser? Well, isn't it obvious? Gimme more Britney!
DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck" is on sale now.