The many, many complaints of Jim Mora

Originally Published: November 19, 2009
By DJ Gallo | Page 2

Earlier this week, Seattle Seahawks head coach Jim Mora sent a list of 17 grievances -- yes, 17 grievances -- to the league office about the officiating in Sunday's Seahawks-Cardinals game, which the Cardinals won 31-20 after trailing 14-0 early.

[+] EnlargeJim Mora
AP Photo/Ted S. WarrenJim Mora isn't taking his team's loss to Arizona very well, is he?

Among them? A pass-interference call on Marcus Trufant against Larry Fitzgerald, and a play in which Arizona defensive tackle Darnell Dockett appeared to press on Matt Hasselbeck's neck while getting up off the Seattle quarterback.

Here are the other 15.

3. Larry Fitzgerald is way too strong for a wide receiver. He could hurt someone. He should be required to play linebacker.

4. This was our second game on the road in three weeks. What gives?

5. We got a bad spot in the second quarter. We got a first down on the play, but I think we were another quarter-yard down the field.

6. So I'm talking to a group of officials about a questionable call in the first quarter, and one of them clearly had onions for breakfast. Like maybe an onion bagel. Or an everything bagel. Or an omelet with onions. Anyway, someone's breath stunk. And I didn't appreciate it. I think it was the line judge.

7. Every time Arizona got a first down, the official was all like, "FIRST DOWN." You know, "FIRST DOWN!" Real loud. Very sort of enthusiastic about it. I think it hurt my players' feelings.

8. The vertical stripes on the officials are thinning, which makes it harder to spot them sometimes to levy complaints. Can we get horizontal stripes PLEASE?

9. I don't care for the fact that I have to throw the red challenge flag. I have a poor throwing arm and it makes me feel self-conscious. I would prefer a buzzer. Or maybe I could kick it? I'm better at kicking.

10. What happened to parity? I thought the NFL wanted that, no? We're 3-6.

11. Arizona got to kick off more than we did.

12. Why isn't Arizona forced to play Matt Leinart? They drafted him in the first round, for crying out loud. Get him in there!

13. Roger Goodell attended the Titans-Bills game in Tennessee. What, are we not good enough for him or something? Midwest bias!

14. The play clock is way too short. I don't have enough time to call Mike Holmgren and ask him for advice.

15. I forget what I had here. But it was bad. And I want the responsible party PUNISHED!

16. Something just felt off all day. You ever have a day like that?

17. Per franchise policy, in a list of complaints, I have to mention the officiating in Super Bowl XL. So, the officiating in Super Bowl XL.

DJ Gallo is the founder of and sole writer for the sports satire site He also is a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book, "SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck," is on sale now.