Miss taking quizzes? Well, here's a fun one for ya   

Updated: August 10, 2007, 2:11 PM ET

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Paid attention to the week in sports (and other stuff) that was? Put your powers of observation and recall to the test with our weekly quiz:

1. Kevin Garnett's trade to the Boston Celtics is good for:
(A) Paul Pierce
(B) Ray Allen
(C) Danny Ainge's immediate employment prospects
(D) Not Kobe Bryant
(E) All of the above

2. Which of the following companies has NOT severed or suspended ties with Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick?
(A) Nike
(B) Reebok
(C) Donruss
(D) Upper Deck
(E) Rawlings
(F) The law firm of Sutherland, Asbill & Brennan

3. Spanish cyclist Iban Mayo:
(A) Tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs during the Tour de France
(B) A

4. Rank the following betrayals, in order from greatest to least:
(A) Hulk Hogan leg-dropping Randy Savage, then turning NWO heel
(B) Benedict Arnold plotting to surrender West Point
(C) Et tu, Brute?
(D) Judas' kiss
(E) The New York Giants fining defensive end Michael Strahan for not showing up to training camp

5. The United States men's basketball team failed to advance to the medal round at the Pan Am Games after losing to:
(A) Panama
(B) Grenada
(C) The Falkland Islands
(D) San Lorenzo

6. While promoting his upcoming book, former major leaguer Jose Canseco told a Boston radio station that:
(A) He has "other stuff" on New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez
(B) Rodriguez is a "hypocrite" who "was not all he appeared to be"
(C) A and B
(D) He just sent his résumé and a writing sample to the New York Post

7. New York Yankees manager Joe Torre used the phrase "tighter than a drum" to describe:
(A) Rodriguez, whose next home run will be the 500th of his career
(B) The skin around the breast implants of Rodriguez's blonde stripper friend in Toronto

8. Which of the following claims did Vick dogfighting case co-defendant Tony Taylor NOT make as part of his plea agreement with federal prosecutors?
(A) That the dogfighting ring executed underperforming dogs by drowning, hanging and other brutal means
(B) That Vick attended several dogfights in Virginia and other states
(C) That Vick financed most of the operation
(D) That Vick's favorite movie is "Air Bud"

9. Film director Steven Spielberg might quit as artistic director of the Beijing Olympics unless:
(A) China takes a tough stance against Sudan and genocide in Darfur
(B) The opening ceremony involves American suburbia, missing father figures, family crisis and space aliens
(C) Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise are involved
(D) The Chinese Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences recognizes "Hook" as one of the greatest films of the 20th century

10. Kansas City Royals outfielder Emil Brown:
(A) Hit a television reporter near the eye with a pellet from a small plastic gun
(B) Is no longer all fun and games

11. Rep. Bobby Rush, chair of the House Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection, is:
(A) Requesting a meeting with NBA commissioner David Stern concerning the Tim Donaghy betting scandal
(B) Confident that other issues facing his subcommittee -- such as identity theft, cybersecurity and automotive safety -- have been resolved and no longer require legislative attention
(C) Clearly bored
(D) All of the above

12. According to the Web site TMZ.com, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart will appear:
(A) As a guest conductor for the New York Philharmonic
(B) As the keynote speaker at the 21st American Peptide Society Symposium
(C) With his infant son, at least once every other week
(D) In an Adam Sandler-produced film about a pinup girl who becomes the house mother at UCLA's nerdiest sorority

13. The Jacksonville Jaguars signed:
(A) Tim Couch
(B) Akili Smith
(C) Ryan Leaf
(D) Heath Shuler

14. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that a South Carolina man filed a $63 billion lawsuit against Michael Vick, claiming that:
(A) Vick stole his dogs for dogfighting purposes
(B) Vick sold the stolen dogs on eBay and used the proceeds to buy Iranian missiles
(C) Vick subjected him to microwave testing
(D) All of the above
(E) There is a conspiracy within baseball involving easily-controlled black players, and steroids are something you shoot in your butt

15. Following Iraq's victory in the finals of Asian Cup, Iraqi national soccer team captain Younis Mahmoud:
(A) Called for the United States to withdraw troops from Iraq
(B) Said he would not return to Iraq to celebrate because "anybody could kill me"
(C) Wore a black armband to commemorate dozens of fans killed during celebrations of Iraq's semifinal victory over Korea
(D) Mentioned Disney World

16. New York Jets coach Eric Mangini played Mozart during his team's training camp practices because:
(A) Some scientists believe listening to Mozart can improve concentration and learning ability
(B) Bona fide brain steroids are at least a decade away
(C) Downloading playbooks directly into players' cranial jacks is at least two decades away
(D) Using the Ludovico Technique on players would be prohibitively expensive, and probably violate the Geneva Conventions

17. Which of the following comments was NOT made during the audience call-in segment of an Internet video interview with O.J. Simpson?
(A) "Did you think it was a bigger feat to break 2,000 yards in one season, or to slice two necks in one right?"
(B) "Remember when you played for the 49ers? Did you kill Bill Walsh?"
(C) "It was reported during the famous chase in 1994 … that you were squeezing your helmet"
(D) "Any advice for someone in a troubled relationship?"

18. German police said they have received documents that show:
(A) Tour de France winner Alberto Contador was involved in doping
(B) The Gambino family was involved in organized crime
(C) The Nixon White House was involved in corruption
(D) Gravity causes apples to fall out of trees

19. Indiana University tight end Blake Powers was arrested after he:
(A) Threw a water balloon from one car into another, hitting a uniformed police officer who was on his way home from work
(B) Failed to realize that Halloween is in October

20. Former Minnesota Timberwolves guard Troy Husdon's debut rap album:
(A) Sold 78 copies nationwide in the week following its release
(B) Still outsold Kevin Federline's debut album
(C) Still outsold Ron Artest's debut album
(D) Still outsold "The Wrestling Album" featuring "Grab Them Cakes" by the Junkyard Dog

21. Italian archeologists working south of Cairo unearthed:
(A) Evidence of a 1,800-year-old game that resembles bowling
(B) Greg Oden's birth certificate
(C) Evidence of a Chicago Cubs' World Series title
(D) Julio Franco

22. Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young:
(A) Threw a training camp punch with his throwing hand at the helmeted head of teammate Donnie Nickey
(B) Seems determined to make the Madden Curse strike early
(C) A and B

23. According to the Dallas Morning News, 33 high school cheerleaders:
(A) Were involved in a scuffle at cheering camp
(B) The scuffle did not involve pillows or baby oil
(C) Damn
(D) Chris Hansen knows you chose C and already has logged your IP address


24. If Nashville Predators owner Craig Leipold sells his team to local investors for $193 million instead of selling to a Canadian billionaire for $220 million, how much did he just devalue the worth of every other NHL franchise?

25. A fan of the Italian soccer club Inter Milan has started putting up a gravestone on a local mountainside every time the team loses a major match. If that same Italian soccer fan had been rooting for the Detroit Lions since the arrival of Matt Millen, approximately how many square feet of land would he need to fit all of his gravestones?


26. Los Angeles Dodgers : hosting a steroid awareness clinic before playing Barry Bonds and the San Francisco Giants
(A) Cincinnati Bengals : hosting Police Appreciation Night
(B) American Film Institute : celebrating the 50 greatest actresses in movie history before a screening if "I Know Who Killed Me"
(C) Tour de France : holding a blood transfusion drive before the race
(D) All of the above

27. Dave Roberts : asking Dodgers fans not to boo Bonds
(A) Roger Goodell : asking Pacman Jones to stay out of trouble
(B) Dave Roberts : asking fish not to swim
(C) Rodney King : can't we all just get along?
(D) All of the above

28. Charles Oakley : contemplating an NBA comeback
(A) Jimmy Carter : contemplating another presidential run
(B) Sean Connery : contemplating another spin as James Bond
(C) Barbaro : contemplating a horse racing comeback
(D) All of the above

29. David Beckham : playing soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy
(A) Terrence Malick : directing movies
(B) Lindsay Lohan : being sober
(C) Axl Rose : making albums that are actually released
(D) All of the above


30. Suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Pacman Jones:
(A) Agreed to sign a pro wrestling contract
(A) Needs money
(C) Is apparently not yet eligible to appear on "The Surreal Life"
(D) All of the above

31. US Weekly and Life & Style report that Britney Spears:
(A) Feeds her toddlers Doritos and Coca-Cola out of baby bottles
(B) Asked a dentist if she could have her 22-month-old son's teeth whitened
(C) Misplaces her cigarettes, then asks her son, "Baby, where are Mama's lollipops?"
(D) Is making Marv Marinovich and all those crazy tennis dads look pretty good

32. Former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld knows nothing about:
(A) The deception and disinformation surrounding Pat Tillman's death
(B) The Abu Ghraib prison scandal
(C) Overseas torture of detainees
(D) Are we talking about known unknowns, or unknown unknowns? 'Cause there's an important distinction there

ESSAY QUESTION: Three-time Formula One champion Nelson Piquet reportedly is taking a driver education course in Brazil after having his license revoked for racking up too many traffic violations. In 800 words or less, determine whether this is: (A) deeply ironic; (B) merely amusing; or (C) a case of life imitating those ESPN NASCAR commercials.

ANSWER KEY: 1, e; 2, f; 3, a-b; 4, any answer with Strahan the least and Hogan the greatest acceptable; 5, a, we're pretty sure; 6, c, though we're sure Canseco-as-sports-columnist would be at least as entertaining as Deion Sanders in the same gig; 7, a; 8, d; 9, a, and besides, "Hook" was so terrible that even Chinese DVD pirates wouldn't want it; 10, a-b, though to be accurate, nobody actually lost an eye; 11-12, d; 13, a, apparently Dan McGwire and Cade McNown could not be located; 14, d; 15, a-c; 16, a; 17, d; 18-21, a; 22, b, and there's no way in Hades that Young makes it throught the season unscathed; 23, a or d, depending on how many of the answers you actually read; 24, trick question, there's no real way to determine the value of an NHL franchise, 'cause any time they need cash they'll just have another Ponzi-scheme expansion; 25, any answer that invokes "Yellowstone National Park" is acceptable; 26-29, d, and come to think of it, Young should hire Oakley to punch people for him; 30, d; 31-32, all answers valid, and that's a unknown known; Essay Question: probably not ironic, definitely amusing, and eventually, all of life will end up resembling ESPN commercials (note: this will take place in 2245, after ESPN76 asorbs C-SPAN, Chris Berman is added to Mount Rushmore and the U.S. Capitol is moved to Bristol, Conn.).

Patrick Hruby is a columnist for Page 2. Sound off to Patrick here.



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