Anyone want to manage the Yankees?   

Updated: October 21, 2007, 6:01 AM ET

  • Comment
  • Email
  • Print
  • Share

Paid attention to the week in sports -- and other stuff, like James Watson's bid to become the Al Campanis of Nobel Laureates -- that was? Put your powers of observation and recall to the test with our weekly quiz:

1. Which of the following is the most unstoppable?
(a) The Colorado Rockies
(b) Tom Brady
(c) The march of time, inevitable death
(d) Mini-Ditka

2. Atlanta Thrashers coach Bob Hartley was fired for: (a) Leading his team to six losses in its first six games
(b) Not being fortunate enough to coach Notre Dame football

3. Of the following, who knows best what Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant is thinking right now?
(a) Mitch Kupchak
(b) news desk
(c) Kobe Bryant
(d) None of the above

4. Which of the following prompted reports that Bryant may be leaving the Lakers?
(a) Bryant having a spic n' span locker
(b) Bryant not using his reserved Staples Center parking spot for, like, two days
(c) Bryant spotted wearing a Yankees cap during ALDS
(d) Bryant eschewing locker room bathroom stall in favor of taking it back to the base

5. Asked about Bryant's status with the Lakers, coach Phil Jackson told reporters:
(a) "I'm on the inside of this, so I know all the statements before you ask the questions"
(b) "What goes on four legs in the morning, on two at noon, on three at night?"
(c) "I am he as you are he and you are me and we are altogether"
(d) "These are not the droids you're looking for"

6. Which of the following is the most likely destination for Bryant?
(a) Chicago
(b) Dallas
(c) New York
(d) In front of a microphone held by Jim Gray

Amare Stoudamire

AP Photo

Anyone figure out who this is yet?

7. Identify the person to the right:
(a) No clue
(b) Beats me
(c) I'm stumped
(d) Give me a hint, already

8. Boston slugger Manny Ramirez said that a loss to Cleveland in the ALCS would not be the "end of the world" because:
(a) You play the game and move on
(b) If it doesn't happen, who cares?
(c) There's always next year
(d) All of the above
(e) Everybody knows that the real end of the world will take place on Dec.12, 2012, at least according to Darren Daulton's interpretation of the Mayan calendar

9. Washington Redskins receiver Brandon Lloyd:
(a) Insinuated on a D.C.-area talk radio show that former NFL quarterback Troy Aikman is gay
(b) Now has as many unsubstantiated opinions about the sexuality of FOX football analysts as receptions this season
(c) A and B

10. According to the Dallas Cowboys, they lost to the New England Patriots because:
(a) Dog ate the game plan
(b) Zodiac improperly aligned
(c) Distracted by ongoing crisis in Darfur
(d) Opponent had more talent, superior coaching and just played better
(e) Definitely not D, but otherwise, who knows?

11. The NFL Network is asking fans to write to Congress and demand that:
(a) In the name of fairness and consumer choice, the federal government force cable companies to carry the NFL Network
(b) In the name of fairness and consumer choice, the federal government force the NFL to allow cable companies to carry Sunday Ticket
(c) Just A

12. An editorial in the Notre Dame student newspaper called on students to:
(a) Not storm the field after an Irish victory over No. 4 Boston College
(b) Not storm the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln following the end of major combat operations in Iraq
(c) Not storm record stores after the release of "Chinese Democracy"
(d) Not storm the pumpkin patch after the arrival of the Great Pumpkin

13. Which of the following is stronger evidence for the "Madden" cover curse?
(a) Tennessee Titans quarterback and Madden 08 coverboy Vince Young suffering a quadriceps strain and having to leave the game during a loss to Tampa
(b) Young being replaced by Kerry Collins

14. The National Lacrosse League canceled its 2008 season after:
(a) League management and the players' association failed to strike a deal
(b) Lacrosse players have a union?
(c) Lacrosse players have a league?

15. New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was fined $7,500 by the NFL for:
(a) Not having his chin strap properly buckled
(b) Not having his chin strap properly buckled, ruining both the illusion that he actually might get hit by a defensive player at some point this season and the artificial sense of drama that goes with said illusion

16. Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre:
(a) Set the NFL career interception record
(b) Only threw all those interceptions because he loves football so much that he had to share the joy with players on the other team, the same way he shared the joy of the single-season sack record with Michael Strahan
(c) Attention, residents of Wisconsin: Please direct all hate mail here

17. An artificial intelligence researcher predicted:
(a) That humans will be marrying and having sex with robots by 2050
(b) That robots will be accusing New Jersey Nets guard Jason Kidd of groping and threatening them by 2051

18. According to a report in the Sacramento Bee, properties belonging to a nonprofit company headed by former NBA player Kevin Johnson include:
(a) A house with bubbling backyard sewage and washing machine waste backup
(b) Another house infested with mice
(c) A vacant lot where butchered sheep and goat remains repeatedly have been dumped
(d) All of the above
(e) A storage facility containing Johnson's complete NBA injury records

19. In a radio interview with Al-Jazeera, disgraced Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson said that:
(a) He wasn't surprised by Marion Jones' doping confession
(b) He could pretty much rule out ever appearing on the Fox News Channel

20. Tiger Woods and Gatorade announced plans to release a new Woods-branded sports drink called:
(a) Gatorade Tiger
(b) Tigerade Gator
(c) Gatorade Drink This To Identify With Success And Momentarily Silence The Ceaseless Chorus Of Self-Doubt Inside Your Head
(d) Gatorade Just Like Tiger Woods In A Bottle, Except It's Colored Sugar Water And Not The Actual Golfer

21. A study by British researchers found that:
(a) Regular swearing at work can help boost team spirit among staff
(b) The Texas Tech men's basketball team has more esprit d'corps than the Three Musketeers

22. The phrase "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds" refers to:
(a) A line from Hindu scripture
(b) What Robert Oppenheimer thought to himself upon the denotation of the first atomic bomb
(c) A and B
(d) Hardee's new Country Breakfast Burrito, which contains 920 calories and 60 grams of fat

23. Kelvin Sampson : telephone calls to recruits
(a) Lindsay Lohan : controlled substances
(b) Jacko : plastic surgery, molestation accusations
(c) Michael Vick : creditor lawsuits
(d) All of the above

24. NFL : possible Super Bowl in London
(a) NASA : possible moon base
(b) Congress : possible balanced budget in our lifetime
(c) J. Wellington Wimpy : possible payment Tuesday for hamburger today
(d) All of the above

25. O.J. Simpson codefendant : wishes he would have never met Simpson
(a) 301 million Americans : ditto


26. Matt Lauer is:
(a) Sorry he asked Sen. Craig
(b) More sorry he has to do his job
(c) Not at all sorry for doing such a poor job of asking
(d) All of the above

27. Which of the following is the best reason to be excited about Mark Cuban possibly working with Mario Lopez to create a television show that combines "Dancing With the Stars" and mixed martial arts?
(a) Lopez getting punched in the face
(b) Lopez getting kicked in the groin
(c) Lopez getting choked into unconsciousness
(d) All of the above

28. How much was Jacksonville Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew fined for pretending to use a goalpoast as an ATM machine during a touchdown celebration?
(a) $7,500
(b) $2.50, in addition to whatever applicable fees and charges are levied by his current financial institution

29. Which of the following headlines is made up?
(a) Naked Chocolate Jesus Rises Again in New York
(b) Suspect Says He Killed, Not Ate, His Girlfriend
(c) Baylor Coach Cited for Urinating on Bar
(d) None of the above


According to a tape-recorded statement made to police by a codefendant in the O.J. Simpson armed robbery case, Simpson told the men with him to "Hey, just bring some firearms," to a confrontation with two sports memorabilia dealers.

In 800 words or less, argue whether Simpson's statement is: a) an implicit defense of the principle that a well-regulated militia is necessary to the security of a free state; b) the jibber-jabber of a dope who would have been better off telling his posse to wear extra-small gloves.

ANSWER KEY: 1, technically c, but d is also acceptable; 2, a or b; 3, d; 4, a, ESPN would only implode if Bryant was wearing a Knicks cap; 5, a, and Jackson should start wearing a Jedi cloak on the sidelines; 6, d; 7, all answers applicable, and whoever that is, he sure is tall; 8, d; 9, c, and did you know that the self-styled "B-Loyd" has his own website? Nice work if you can get it; 10, e; 11, a or c, hard to believe the NFL isn't asking Congress to look into Spygate and/or Carolina's Super Bowl steroid ring; 12, a, too bad wishing won't make things so; 13, both answers acceptable; 14, all answers acceptable, and if you think "lacrosse" is somehow related to the mysterious "NHL" you've heard about, that's okay, too; 15, a; 16, a, let the e-mail pummeling begin!; 17, a, unless, of course, the robots are gay, in which case we'll have to pass some sort of limiting Constitutional Amendment; 18, d, and man, KJ?; 19, a, and we're not surprised that he's not surprised; 20, a, so clever; 21, a, and we could have told you that without spending money on a study; 22, c; 23-24, d; 25, a; 26, d, even Barbara Walters asks tougher questions; 27, d, please, please, please let this happen; 28, a; 29, d; Essay Question: all variations on option "B" are acceptable, and if you can make a convincing case for "A," why are you still reading this? Go represent Simpson in court!

Patrick Hruby is a columnist for Page 2. Sound off to Patrick here.



You must be signed in to post a comment

Already have an account?