Single page view By Andrew & Brian Kamenetzky
Special to Page 2

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and Mike Tyson is no exception. According to, the self-proclaimed No. 1 source of news is Iron Mike, the famously broke pugilist, is open to radical options for raising revenue.

Jenna Jameson
With Jenna in Mike's corner he can't go wrong.

"I've talked to some people, I just talked to a gentleman named Jimmy, whose involved with Club Jenna, you know Jenna Jameson," said Tyson. "They said they were interested in getting me involved in that kind of business as well." Tyson doesn't proceed to announce a three-picture deal, but doesn't dismiss the notion, either.

Mike Tyson, the adult film actor? Crazy as it may sound, this could very well be the ticket. His real life offers endless elements for his future scripts to implement, sucking potential viewers in with a blend of fact, fiction, and the adult film industry's penchant for parodying high-profile films. If any athlete's gonna cross over, Tyson's the prime candidate. Here are a few prime suggestions for Mike's future filmography.

"Crouching Tiger, Fornicating Dragon"
Our hero, ancient warrior Iron Mike, is incensed that a rare magical tiger, a gift from his master, was stolen by a beautiful thief. It's the most special tiger in Iron Mike's entire collection, and he's determined to get it back by any means possible … So he can pawn it for the money he really needs by any means possible. After a chase through the treetops, across riverbanks and endless sword battles, Iron Mike is impressed enough by the young lady to offer her martial arts training in exchange for the tiger. She refuses … saying she'd rather have lessons in love. Cue sex.

"Porn of the Worlds"
Tyson plays Ray, a construction worker who uses an alien invasion as a means of becoming a better father to his children (unfortunately, he caps off this achievement by eating them). The aliens are intent on destroying the earth and trying to use our blood to fertilize it. But Ray convinces the aliens (who happen to be female) that their time on earth could be put to better use than killing random humans. Let's just say the results are out of this world.

"Sexyweight Champion of the World"
For 10 years, the WBC, WBA, and IBF Sexyweight Titles of the World have been spread all over the world. Weak contenders have displayed subpar technique and physical acumen in the Ring of Love, tarnishing the long legacy of dominating sexyweights from days gone by. Until Tyson, a white-toweled, black-trunked sexual dynamo blows onto the scene. His powerful, quick striking lovin' leaves all challengers, and ladies, in the dust.

Mike Tyson
Mike has to be crazy to even consider this ... wait.

"Mikey: Fully Loaded"
An aging Tyson stumbles attempting to work his way through cupcakes like Danny Williams and Kevin McBride. All hope is lost, until he's given a beat up but spunky fighter called "Mikey" by an old cornerman. Mikey takes over all of Tyson's boxing, training him and helping resurrect his career in the ring … and outside it, too. Turns out Mikey is also well-educated in the ways of love. The only thing Tyson bags faster than belts are ring card girls and groupies.


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