The next time he complains about an official failing to throw a flag, they're going to remind him that it's apparently not as easy as it looks: Nick Saban.

I'd put it somewhere in the Napoleon Kaufman range: Trent Green's head hitting the ground was one of the most cringe-inducing sights in NFL history.

However, since we're on the topic: Aaron Brooks might want to get rid of the ball quicker, just because.

Like the Native Americans who put their ears to the ground to listen for approaching buffalo, I read this story and sensed another appearance for Lance on "The Larry King Show": Two of Lance Armstrong's former teammates, including long-time but now former friend Frankie Andreu, admitted to the New York Times that they took EPO to help Armstrong win the Tour de France in 1999.

Just as I thought, he's saving the impassioned defense for Larry: According to the Times, Armstrong refused repeated requests for comment.

This, apparently, is what it feels like when the walls close in: Three of Armstrong's former lieutenants, including Floyd Landis, have tested positive for one doping substance or another.

One final cycling question, since the opening week of the NFL is always the best time of year to talk cycling: Why doesn't somebody just come out and say the Tour de France is too damned hard to win without the assistance of banned performance enhancers?

Far be it from me to question the logic of advertisers -- besides, that guy really does look like he could teach me to draw like a pro -- but I have a simple question: Why would "illness and family emergencies" put me in a position where I owed more than 40 grand in back taxes?

His socks, however, were exquisite: In Week 1's most ridiculous example of overzealous officiating, Randy Moss was called for an unsportsmanlike taunting penalty for tossing the ball to the Chargers' kicker after being run out of bounds.

And finally, the long-running classic now starring Mike McCarthy as Jimmy Carter: Do you ever get the feeling the Packers are being held hostage by Brett Favre?

Tim Keown is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine. Sound off to Page 2 here.


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