EDITOR'S NOTE: On occasion, we all need help. But where to turn? Fortunately, Rachel Nichols is here to bring us the special kind of advice that only the world's greatest athletes can dole out. Whether to take it or not ... well, that's up to you. Today's Ill-Advised expert: Steve Francis, Orlando Magic guard.
RACHEL: You have a lot of good nicknames. The Franchise. Wink. After this, which would you prefer "Dear Abby" or "Ann Landers"?
STEVE: I'm going to have to stick to what I've got. But I'm still here to offer my help.
RACHEL: That's all we ask. Well, we also always ask each week, what's the best advice anyone ever gave you?
STEVE: Probably just don't let anything get in your way or let anyone tell you that you can't do something. But I'm sure everyone has said that.
RACHEL: Actually, that's definitely what guys say the most often. Why is that?
STEVE: There are just so many obstacles to being an athlete. There are so many times you just get down on yourself and you want to quit or not practice or whatever, but you have to stick to your guns.
RACHEL: Good advice for athletes then. But what about the rest of us? Marc Borger from D.C. writes, "I have a Roethlisberger jersey that I wore for a week in a row and great things kept happening, I aced a test I barely studied for, my alma mater beat UConn, and my beloved Washington Wizards beat the Pacers and Raptors. Unfortunately the luck of the jersey hasn't been carrying over lately. Do you think I used up all the luck in the jersey and now it's worn out, or should I wear it again?"
STEVE: I have a message for you, Marc. Open the barn door. Check the stables. That horse you're trying to ride is dead. Time to get a new one. Time to change it up.
RACHEL: Yeah, but do you practice what you preach? Don't you have something lucky you wear?
STEVE: I have a hat I wear for home games wear it in the locker room, get taped, stretch, everything until about 20 minutes before the game, then I take it off.
RACHEL: That sounds like a smelly hat.
STEVE: Oh I put it on when I get out of the shower. But it's been a while, yeah. You wouldn't want to wear it, trust me.
RACHEL: I'll take your word. So will Adrian from Boston, Mass. He writes, "I play soccer in high school, and lately I've been getting a lot of heat from my coach and league officials because I play dirty. But I'm just playing the way the professionals in Europe play, which is why I'm effective in my position. Should I listen to the coach and not play as well, or do my own thing and keep dominating?"
STEVE: You gotta do your own thing, because if you're really good, you can go play in Europe yourself. That's what's making you successful, so stick with it. A little dirty play here and there never hurt anyone.
RACHEL: Dirtiest player in the NBA?
STEVE: Well, it was Karl Malone.
RACHEL: And now?
STEVE: Raja Bell from Utah. He's really dirty.
RACHEL: And you, you're a boy scout?
STEVE: Oh, certain situations, I can get down and grind it out. Sometimes you do what you have to do.
RACHEL: We won't tell anyone. Except what you do for Gregg Stepford from Evanston, Ill. He writes, "I am beginning to think my pickup line needs some work. I usually say to girls, 'According to the latest fashion trends, pants are so OUT.' Got anything better? The drinks thrown in my face are starting to make my dry cleaning bill pretty difficult to bear."
STEVE: That's a horrible line.
RACHEL: It's not good, Gregg.
STEVE: I don't really have any pickup lines for him. I haven't had to use any since high school.
RACHEL: Your pickup line now is, "I'm STEVE Francis."
STEVE: Nah, I just give the eye and the nod. That's all it takes.
RACHEL: Oh really. Is that what got your girl now?
STEVE: I don't know. I guess she was forced to mess with me because I've known her for so long. But also just being nice and sweet.
RACHEL: And the eye.
STEVE: Hey, the eye never hurts.
RACHEL: So next I picked a Maryland boy out from the mailbag just for you. Elmore Maldive from Baltimore wants to know, "Do you know any good home remedies? I don't trust doctors."
STEVE: I know if you have a cold, cognac and tea, to knock everything out.
RACHEL: That seems like it could be a cure for just about anything.
STEVE: I've heard that a million times, and I've tried it too. A little couch time never hurt either.
RACHEL: Good to know. Although you might be getting back into pickup line territory there cognac, couch time ...
STEVE: And the eye.
RACHEL: Right. Now lastly, I have to ask, what's your best piece of advice for the people out there?
STEVE: I don't have that much advice. But I do know how to hot-wire a car. I had to do it to my own car when I lost the key in college once. I just started messing around with the wires, and it worked.
RACHEL: I'm not sure this is a skill I'd be advertising. So what are you saying to everyone?
STEVE: Hey, only do it if it's your own car. And hope you don't run into the police. Then you'll really need help.
Got an issue or a question, or otherwise need to be 'Ill-Advised' in the future? Send it to RACHEL Nichols right here.