The readers of Parade magazine once voted Carl Sagan the smartest man in America. Many historians say Benjamin Franklin is the greatest mind this country has ever seen.
But those two clearly take a backseat to Curt Schilling, Boston's ace pitcher and postseason hero. Schilling knows everything.
Don't believe us? Just listen to him.
In fact, Page 2 just got wind of Schilling's soon-to-be self-published book, "Curt Schilling's Guide to the Galaxy." In it, he's apparently going to tell us about ... well, everything.
Everything, that is, that he hasn't already told to us about politics, Alex Rodriguez, Lou Piniella and Mystique and Aura. Oh, and that he can't think of anything more enjoyable than making 55,000 people from New York shut up.
So what else does Curt know? What else will be in his book? We couldn't get our mitts on an advance copy, but this is the way we hear it ...
Page 38: On dealing with the media.
Writes Schilling, "The key is to always be accessible. Driving in to the ballpark? Call the sports talk radio station. Icing your arm after a game? Post some comments on the Sons of Sam Horn Web site. Know the cell-phone numbers of Peter Gammons, Jayson Stark, Buster Olney, Tim Kurkjian, Tom Verducci, Murray Chass, Ken Rosenthal, Hal Bodley, Geraldo Rivera, Pat O'Brien and Bill O'Reilly. Call them at least once per day, especially O'Reilly so you give him suggestions for his show. Make sure you have the e-mail addresses of the top 300 corporate CEOs and all the important congressmen. Give them great sounds bites. Use words like 'idiot' and 'shut up.' Don't be afraid to take a stand. Be willing to do postgame interviews, even if it's with Tim McCarver. And if you're in San Diego for business, for example, bring out that Drew Brees jersey. The locals will eat it up."
Page 84: On Tom Cruise's love life.
Writes Schilling, "This guy proved in 'Top Gun' that he's one of cinema's greatest artists, but I just don't understand what he's doing with his love life. He divorces the lovely Nicole Kidman, dates Penelope Cruz, and then starts up with Katie Holmes. I think he's forgotten how the dating game is played. There's just too much of an age difference between him and Katie. It's a bad PR move."
Page 126: On pitching to Barry Bonds.
Writes Schilling, "A little dab of blood placed across the stitches of a four-seamer is an excellent way to fool a great hitter like Barry Bonds. First, the batter picks up the blood's red color and confuses it with the stitching, so he misreads the pitch. Now, a great hitter like Bonds will subsequently realize that it's human blood on the ball. Two years ago when I bloodied a pitch to Bonds, he actually vomited before the pitch crossed the plate. That's how much blood sickens him and that's how fast his reflexes really are.
"Now, if you're pitching in a crucial game, say Game 6 of the ALCS against the Yankees, you may need a little extra blood. A bloodied four-seam fastball will move quickly from up and in to down and away. It's an almost unhittable pitch. Even somebody with a quick bat like Gary Sheffield can't touch it."