Power Rankings: Super pricey

Originally Published: January 31, 2011
By Greg Hardy | Special to Page 2

Money is no object to enjoy the latest edition of the Page 2 Power Rankings! Our formula combines the results of two surveys: a human poll concocted by ESPN Page 2's Greg Hardy and a scientifically calibrated poll generated by computer analysis. Unfortunately, our laptop has been in the shop since Shaun White accidentally used it as his snowboard during warm-ups for the SuperPipe at Winter X. To the results!

1. Super Bowl cost of living

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
9.6 9.3 18.9

Credentials: So, the best things in life are free? Try paying hundreds of dollars over the $200 face-value price for the privilege of watching the Super Bowl outside Cowboys Stadium. Parking spots are being hawked for nearly 1,000 bucks. And you know those credit card fans who've been to every Super Bowl in history? Apparently, Roger Goodell is getting ready to bar them from the stadium under a technicality that they are Super Bowl season-ticket holders who retroactively owe the league XLV years of back payment on Personal Seat Licenses. And that payment must be made in cash, sorry no personal checks. Any of you Fat Cats who do get in the stadium, the joke's on you, because whatever you paid for your tickets, you'd have had to pay us twice as much to see the Black Eyed Peas perform in person.

2. Packers photo sharing

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
9.0 9.4 18.4

Credentials: As ugly as Green Bay's ill-timed Twitter feud has been, this hasn't been the team's biggest controversy when it comes to team Super Bowl pictures, just merely the most-publicized. In 1998, it never got leaked out to the press when they were getting ready to play the Denver Broncos that Brett Favre completely threw off team chemistry when he insisted everyone meet for a glamour-shots session at a San Diego strip mall.

3. Albert Pujols

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
8.4 8.7 17.1

Credentials: At this point, which is more likely to happen next year: The best baseball player of our generation is still in a St. Louis Cardinals uniform? ... Or he's named the Chicago Cubs' 2012 World Series MVP? Baseball gods, don't wait 'til the last minute to flip your coin.

4. Jimmer mania!

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
7.7 8.0 15.7

Credentials: We're not saying the new-found adoration of BYU's Jimmer Fredette is taking America by storm. But you know that secretary who cashes in with the March Madness pool every year even though she knows zip about college hoops? Our prediction is that this year she's going to win it all merely by writing "Jimmer Fredette" in every blank spot on the page.

5. Iowa football

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
7.2 7.5 14.7

Credentials: First, our thoughts are with all the affected players that they'll be back on their feet soon (well, back on their feet with their coaches' intentions of not being overworked off their feet and back to the hospital). But as national signing day zeroes in, the Hawkeyes have to be aware of how this public relations hit is sure to generate from other schools some "dirty recruiting" whispers about how Iowa is not looking out for players' well-being. Heck, there are smaller-budget schools in the Midwest that can probably get away with, "What's going to get you in better shape? Doing lunges until you're in intensive care ... or finishing off some Shake Weight reps with this plate of tasty donuts? Did we mention our top booster owns a fudge distribution center?"

6. U2 vs. baseball

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
6.0 6.7 12.7

Credentials: Because Spider-Man's favorite rock stars have June concert dates slated at Sun Life Stadium in Miami, the Florida Marlins must move their interleague series against the Mariners to Seattle -- where the scrappy NL East salary cap urchins will be the home team. That seems like a lot of unnecessary long-distance relocating at MLB's expense, but no matter. It's not like the players on the Marlins and Mariners earn enough money to hang around South Florida and afford U2 tickets anyway.

7. Tiger Woods

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
5.6 5.7 11.3

Credentials: We're not saying the mystique is gone for good, but his 44th-place finish last weekend at Torrey Pines is a sad omen. Right now, the only way pro golfers would be afraid of Tiger is if he announced he would do a sit-down interview with Piers Morgan in which he promised to dish about who else on the PGA Tour was living a double life.

8. New Superman

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
5.0 5.8 10.8

Credentials: Holy casting call, Batman! British actor Henry Cavill has been named the new Man of Steel for the 2012 big-screen reboot. Ignore those Internet rumors that Charlie Sheen was lined up to wear the red cape. Actually, we heard he was in the running to be in David E. Kelley's "Wonder Woman" TV pilot. The question is will he be the lead supervillian or is it a cameo where he plays himself ... or, uh, both?

9. Hardened Heat

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
5.1 5.6 10.7

Credentials: Chris Bosh is Mr. Softee? Oklahoma City's Kevin Durant called the Miami Heat's sometimes-forgotten Heattle a "fake tough guy" after a trash-talking altercation. Well, Mr. Durant could not be more wrong. We have it on good authority that there have been nights in South Beach when Bosh insisted -- insisted! -- to the bar girls that there be zero tiny umbrellas in his drink. If that's not South Beach hard core, we don't know what is.

10. O.J. Mayo

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
4.5 5.7 10.2

Credentials: The Memphis Grizzlies' guard was suspended 10 games for testing positive for a banned substance, which he claims he unknowingly ingested from an energy drink. With Mayo's track record, would it surprise anyone if six months from now he's endorsing this energy drink with his face on the label? For you nutritionists who want to avoid dicey concoctions in your diet, the NBA has revealed that the energy drink's secret ingredient is Tim Floyd's tears.

11. Fake China News

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
4.6 4.9 9.5

Credentials: There are reports that China Central Television slyly slipped in clips from "Top Gun" for a report that showed an air force training drill where planes blew each other up real good. The Kenny Loggins soundtrack possibly gave it away. Hmmm. If cheesy '80s movie clips are fair game for news reports, that might explain rumors about their summer sports highlight shows, where the Little League World Series top plays apparently were culled from deleted scenes of "The Goonies."

12. Your Super Bowl party

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
4.4 4.5 8.9

Credentials: Enjoy that sculpture of nacho cheese in the shape of Cowboy Stadium while you can. If there's an NFL labor stoppage, you're going to have to entertain yourself for many a lonely Sunday in the coming months. That means that all those basic cable channels that concoct gimmicky Super Bowl counter-programming will be holding all the cards. Curses! Well, just in case, does anyone know where to find Animal Planet so we can catch up on past Puppy Bowls?

13. All-Star Double Dip

Human Poll Computer Poll Power Points Trending
2.2 2.8 5.0

Credentials: When galaxies collide and the sporting gods give us an NHL All-Star Game and an NFL Pro Bowl on the same day, you know what true sports fans call it? "The Time Span During Which the TV Could Explode, and I Wouldn't Care That I Couldn't Watch Anything."

Also receiving votes
• Super fan bases. We salute the die-hards who follow the Steelers or Packers. Not just for their passion, but for their savvy knowledge of the game and its intricacies. You can always spot one of their true believers because they carry a can of silver polish inside their parkas, in case they run into the Lombardi Trophy and it hasn't had a good rub-down in the past 10 hours.

Never receiving votes
• Cleveland Cavaliers. When a pro basketball team's losing streak hits 20 games, that's when we're expecting Taco Bell's beef to sue the NBA for fielding a fake team.

Greg Hardy is a Page 2 contributor. It's all pop culture all the time at

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Greg Hardy is a Page 2 contributor. It's all pop culture all the time at