Q: Do you think that a Pistons game would improve if Darko sat there in a clown costume? Rasheed Wallace laughs every time he gets in the game anyway, and the clown gimmick would be fun to watch. If necessary, Darko could take off the costume to enter games, but the makeup would stay on. This would improve the ends of blowouts, keep people at the game and give ESPN lots to talk about. My buddy and I came up with this idea, just wondered what you would think.
– John, Las Vegas

Darko Milicic
The NBA Draft is the only time Darko got the better of Melo and Dwyane.

SG: All right, now there might be a few more Pistons fans leaning toward the time machine and Wade. Cancel that poll. By the way, I love that it took two people to come up with that question.

Q: I was watching the final of "The Contender" when my wife made the observation, "Jesse Brinkley is way too hot to be married to that chubby girl." Without even thinking I blurted out, "Well, she probably didn't look like that when they got married." Somehow my wife took that comment to mean that I think she is getting fat. Are all women irrational or is it just my wife?
– JT, River Vale, N.J.

SG: Nope. It's not just your wife. During Monday night's "Miss Universe" telecast, I had the following exchange with the Sports Gal:

Me: Wow, between Miss Venezuela and Miss Peru, I think we need to take our next vacation in South America.

Her: Very funny.

(Ten-second pause where you can hear their wheels turning as they slowly became angry.)

Her: "You know, you're enjoying this show WAY too much. I wish they had these shows with guys."

Me: "Yeah, but there's one difference."

Her: "What's that?"

Me: "I wouldn't watch a Mr. Universe show with you. In fact, I would rather kill myself."

(Five-second pause as they're totally flustered by a flawless, logical statement, followed by the obligatory obscenity.)

Q: Leftover "Survivor" question: What would you say is the sports equivalent of Ian absolutely collapsing down the stretch? Vegas would have pegged Ian the favorite since he's younger, probably needed the money more and was less condescending than Tom for much of the season. So what in the name of Jean Van de Velde happened to Ian during the final five days? Can you say 2004 Yankees? 1969 Cubs?
– Matt, Marion, Iowa

Red Sox
Did someone mention the 2004 ALCS? Thanks for the excuse.

SG: You need to remember one thing about Ian though: The guy trains dolphins for a living. So it was only a matter of time. I would compare his collapse to Grady Little hanging Pedro out to dry in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS – devastating but ultimately not that surprising. Speaking of the Red Sox ...

Q: Is Dale Sveum the only man in sports that can make you feel like you're losing when you have a two-run lead?
– Murphy, Virginia

Q: If you had to guess, how much is Steinbrenner paying Dale Sveum every year to coach third for the Sox?
– Tom, New York City

Q: I'm currently watching Game 1 of the Memorial Day Sox-Yanks series, and I was just wondering ... can we start a petition to fire Dale Sveum or something? Can we put a hit out on him? Can we do something?!?! Can he see? Is he deranged? What's wrong with him? I need to know this or I won't be able to sleep.
– David, Hockessin, Del.


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