By The Intern
Page 2

Yahoo! News (10/21) -- Patrick Swayze thinks the U.S. is being insensitive in Iraq. Mr. Ed Majid Al-Tikrit told him so. Swayze also says he'd be there right now if not for fear of being killed, so I guess we can rule out bringing peace to Sadr City with a "Time of Your Life" dance montage.

Boston Herald (10/20) -- I'm not sure who gets the black eye from this murder: Yankee fans, Bostonians, Americans or just humans in general. I feel like Pete Coors saying this, but if you're going to celebrate this weekend, do it right and follow The Rich Rule, in honor of my roommate who woke up the night after UNC beat Duke with no leg hair and charred Ed Cota jersey. Don't hurt anyone except yourself. (10/11) -- Not sure what's bigger news, the fact that Band Aid's planning to re-release "Do They Know It's Christmas?" or that the song's about hunger in Africa. For the last decade, I've had it mixed up with U2's "Merry Xmas (War is Over)" which gets way more play up here. Bear with me. It took me a week to figure out that "Magic Stick" wasn't about a wand.

ABC News (10/21) -- What's next, canceling Arbor Day because it's offensive to ferns? A Washington school district is calling off Halloween because it's offensive to real witches. Why not just ban people from dressing up like a witch? This is like John Henry cracking down on "Yankees Suck" shirts by declaring that nobody can wear any shirts at Fenway this weekend, period ... which is a phenominal idea.

LINK OF THE DAY: -- About 350 Game 7 e-mails directed at Simmons came my way yesterday. I read them all, enjoyed most and forwarded as many as possible. Some people wrote long:

"I got home while still listening to ESPN radio and the enormity hit me once again ... and this time I started to cry. I cried because I buried my dad last year and he never got to see this day. I still have the program from 1974 when he took me to my first game at Fenway versus the Indians. I still can smell the freshly cut grass like it was yesterday instead of in the mind of a 6-year-old child. It all rushed back as he consoled me when Bucky Dent hit the homer and my next door neighbor laughed at me because he was a Yankees fan. I punched him in the nose and we've been best friends ever since. Dad was there through it all ... and that I consoled him on his death bed last year when he said with some of his last breath, 'I thought we actually were going to do it this year.' I cried because my friend Greg passed away before he could see it ... a man who once got Bob Stanley so mad when we sat in the bleachers he almost came over the fence at us ... but loved the team heart and soul. He was buried in his Sox jersey."

Some people wrote short. Me, I liked the way Ted Smith of College Station, Tx, said it when he sent this:

"Chills, man ... chills."

Las Vegas Review (10/10) -- From Buck to the Bullgod. Check out who Bret Boone's following around instead of broadcasting the playoffs. Then scroll down.

(Okay, now that you know, I went to Google to find this story and typed in Kid Rock and Bret Boone. Out of 968 results, the fifth one down was Dolph Lundgren nude pics. The sixth? ESPN Page 2. I'm suddenly feeling not-so-great about my seven Gmail accounts ... )

Pittsburgh Post Gazette -- Writing a Top 10 list for "The Late Show" is a lot more complicated than you'd think. They go from 100 to 150 jokes down to 10, then Letterman throws a few out and they write some more. Something I still don't understand: Why is No. 1 hardly ever as funny as the other nine? Asking Tom Burnett this question was a no-brainer. To not do it is like interviewing Stickland from "Back to the Future" and not asking about "Back to the Future."

NY Daily News (10/19) -- Now I'm wondering who'd win in a fight between Donald Trump and Mark Cuban. Real tough call. Cuban's 12 years younger and used to work as a bouncer. Trump wears pink every day, which has to count for something. I'll go with Cuban. I'm surprised Trump's not picking on "The Rebel Billionaire." Maybe it's because he knows Sir Richard Branson is insane enough to human cannonball through his office window. -- I'm feeling pretty good about mankind today, so go here to cast your vote for your favorite NFL team. If it wins, Chunky will donate the combined weight of the team in cans to your local food bank. Coincidentally, a guy dry heaved outside my apartment building about an hour ago, so I'm going to pass on anything called "Chunky" for today.

(And this seems like a good place to mention that today's links are being brought to you by Strawberry Gatorade, Cherry Garcia and yesterday's clothes. I felt like I was on "The Apprentice" last night and the challenge was "How much can you drink and only spend 18 bucks?" To give you an idea of the good will here in Boston, I offered to buy someone a shot who'd bought me one earlier, and he was so appreciative of that gesture he bought me a Heineken and another shot! So when you look back on my performance today, obviously it won't touch Schilling in Game 6, but maybe you'll liken it to the time Terry Glenn got poked in the eye, missed the rest of the game, but returned the following week with the futuristic eye shield and caught a few balls. That's my hope.)

Sports Pickle (10/20) -- "Affleck Will Hopefully Commit Suicide If The Red Sox Lose Game Seven."

Anyone seen Billy Crystal today?

NBA: China 2004 -- Click "China Fun" for some gems like Mo Taylor walking around Beijing in a 2Pac shirt and Chris Webber posing with fans wearing an iPod. I put "Faaaantastic" into Altavista, then ran the Chinese characters back to English and got "Unexpected." Talk about lost in translation!

(More on that from reader Astrid Tsang, who watched the games from Jiujiang City: "I think my favorite moment was when the network put up a screen that said 'Image of the Game' -- that's right, not a 'Play of the Game,' but an 'Image.' It was just a still shot of Maurice Taylor juggling the ball and you couldn't tell at all what he was doing. My other favorite moment was during one of the timeouts. They panned the crowd and you could see about 80 percent of the audience was sitting there stone-faced. Even though it was a really close game, and the cheerleaders were jumping all over the place, and they were pumping the intro to DMX's 'What's My Name' over the speakers, you would have thought that these people were at a funeral. Oh well ... certain aspects of the game will never translate.") -- If this coin's any indication, I'd say the decision-makers in Lincoln are about a third less confident in The Callahan Era than they used to be. What's tails, Steve Spurrier? -- Around Labor Day, a reader sent in a bloody photo with this description: "One of my friends in LA sent me this pic of The Miz. I guess he was on a trampoline drunk and did a back flip into a wall. Way to go, you idiot." Easy there: this idiot could have invented the new Ladder Match.

Baseball Crank -- Weird story: I woke up around 5 a.m. today and felt like my right bicep and shoulder were being pulled apart. If this were Web MD, the entire right side of my torso would have been yellow and it would have said "Medieval Torture Rack." I was 95 percent asleep but remember thinking over and over, "The bullpen's tired. They're tired." Around 7:30 a.m., after the recycling truck drove off, I finally dozed off again, still in serious pain and now worried how I was going to pay for the doctor's appointment. I woke up at nine and it was gone. Completely gone. Yup, you could say things are tense in Boston today ...

NY Times (10/18), registration -- Apologies to the NFL Pudding Strike, but this may be the most thought-provoking article I've ever linked to. Here are mine: Personally, I'd rather pay $200 a year than have my kid play at Fruit Roll-Ups Field, because unlike Fenway Park, you don't choose to go to school. That said, for places that truly can't afford a fee, I'll admit it's better to have ads than no sports. But I think they should concealed except for people seeking them out, like the back of a church bulletin. (With Nike involved, I'm sure this will happen.)

The Lafayette Daily Advertiser (10/16) -- Daunte Culpepper scored 46.97 points in my Yahoo! League this weekend. A Louisiana high school quarterback scored 83.9 points ... in rushing. -- It's early yet, but with the amount of money raised so far ...

eBay -- These guys could buy two bites of the last hot dog sold at Olympic Stadium!

CNN (5/7/2003) -- Finally, let's call this The Joe House Redemption. Two weeks ago, I apologized for repeating a statement of his that E from "Entourage" was involved in a Jesse Spano-inspired larynx punch outside a NYC restaurant. Well, I should have known there was no way guys named Kevin Connolly and Kevin Connelly could have both been in "Drum Solo." They're the same person. Thanks to one of our friends at VH1 for clearing this up (Man, do I feel like Chris Connelly ... or is it Connolly?).

He writes: "Since I produced innumerable '100 Greatest Shocking Moments' and '100 Greatest Outrageous Celebrity Moments' shows, I can confirm that the Kevin Connolly from 'Entourage' is the same as the one from Leo's of 1998. In this article, Connolly's career is noted as 'nosedived' at the time. Oh what a difference a Adrian Grenier vehicle makes ... "

MONDAY -- A reader from Down Under is on the verge of coming here to boomerang me if I don't knock off the "Karate Kid" references, but here's definitive proof that Daniel's mom actually had a job when they moved to California, a point of contention from the last "BS Exposed." Other more troubling cut scenes: Daniel saving Ali from a rape at Golf 'N Stuff and ... ahem ... the Kai forcing Daniel-San to take a cold shower and laughing at his "incredible shrinking weenie." You think that's jarring: Check out No. 71 on Pat Morita's IMDB resume where he plays ... A "RAPE VICTIM?" Has anyone seen this?!? Is it more or less disturbing than Game Three?

Yahoo! News (10/15) -- Great news for fans of Budweiser's "Leon" ads: NBC's developing a sitcom based on "the life and family of a black sports superstar, probably a football player, who has an extra-large sense of entitlement and is often out of touch with reality." If you prefer the real thing, check out Chad's Corner. Actually, let's all add this to our favorites and pretend that I link to it every Monday.

After Ellen (10/12) -- This one's for anyone wondering why Ami wouldn't teach the "Survivor" guys how to crack coconuts. At least the Sports Gal can stop worrying about losing her husband to an ex-coffee barista at Jeff Probst's Halloween party. (And FYI, Scout's also a lesbian, though I don't think she's causing any fights outside of maybe Don Rumsfeld and the Defense Gal.)

The Salem News (10/13) -- If I were building a separate Monument Park for annoying Yankee Stadium punks, Andrew Giuliani would have a plaque, Jeffrey Maier would have a statue, and this clubhouse kid that hexed the Sox' batting helmets last week ... he'd have a shallow grave.

LINK OF THE DAY: -- In case you were doing anything other than watching "Crossfire" last Friday afternoon, you need to see Jon Stewart's complete annihilation of the hosts, the show, the U.S. media, bow ties, dancing monkeys ... you name it. Here's the link to the transcript and the video clip. Says a friend who works at CNN: "It'll make you laugh, cringe, and everything else in between." Like every Denis Leary sex scene from "Rescue Me."

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