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TUESDAY, 5/17 -- Back when I was on the Bar Mitvah circuit, if you slow-danced with the girl who looked six years older than you while some lame DJ played "Save the Best for Last," it was a good night. Now kids get to slow-dance with Beyonce while listening to Justin Timberlake attempt to beatbox. The game has officially passed me by ... -- This is my "oh sweet mercy, a lime-green hatchback" moment. -- Cool article about television sitcoms reflecting the polarization of American voters. However, the more important question involves how "Everybody Loves Raymond" became the torch-bearing classic sitcom. It's sort of like when Fred Jones looked like the best player on the Pacers for those first few games after the melee decimated their roster. I will now only refer to that as the "Everybody Loves Fred Jones" era. -- I highly doubt it, but wouldn't it be great if this was all a clever ruse? Say this was just some regular guy who, instead of taking a conventional vacation, decided he'd rather mess with police and care workers for a few days. When the gig is up, I picture him saying something along the lines of, "I'm not the Dread Pirate Roberts. My name is Ryan." - If I were a member of the media (am I now?), my reaction to this would be a report that Robert Blake admits to having sex with elephants. I'd then feign confusion when he got mad. -- I think Madden has finally reached HDTV status, where it has somehow inexplicably surpassed the real thing. Don't you sometimes forget it's a video game, and instead think of it as an entirely parallel universe? Right, me neither.

MONDAY, 5/16 -- "Your honor, I'm just a boy with a dream. A dream of becoming the best dope-dealer this world has ever seen." -- I guess this trumps my "declaring for the NBA draft" joke from earlier. Best line is when his high school coach goes, "He was as good as anyone for two or three minutes." I think Dwyane Wade gave the "Gold" a better endorsement than that. -- That's right, here at the Daily Links we don't just ask questions, we answer them. -- Move over Stapp and Hasselhoff, there's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Steve Wallace. -- You know what we need in college football? Responsibility for actions, some real discipline, someone who will quit catering to every self-entitled whim of these spoiled brats. We need ... Judge Judy. -- "'Darth likes to load up on lots of carbs and lots of alcohol,' the Dark Lord said about five minutes into the race as he lifted his mask to pound a Jell-O shot laced with tequila." Greatest. Race. Ever.


MONDAY, 5/9 -- Thanks to Jason K. from Richmond for relaying the Blazers' hilarious attempt at holiday cheer. Is this for real? Did Zach bring those flowers from his home garden? I have so many questions. But wait, there's more ... World, I'd like to introduce you to Ha Seung-Jin. Ha, meet World.



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