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I twisted my ankle yesterday, and actually groaned on my way from the bed to the desk this morning. A lesser man would have called in sick, but like a true champion, I decided to persevere. Consider this my flu game. -- Here's a hilarious and downright disturbing Japanese commercial featuring Ah-nold from back in the day. While watching it, constantly remind yourself that this man runs California. -- Drew Rosenhaus gets one foot out of the Gates of Hell by saving a toddler from drowning. To balance things out, he then shook down a neighboring kindergarten class for their lunch money and set fire to Andy Reid's lawn. -- Good to see that Simmons has some pull around ESPN after all ... -- As a bunch of readers clued me in on, Stewie from "Family Guy" has a dead-on impression of the Shatner link from yesterday. We're talking Emmy material. -- As if finding out that John O'Hurley (of J. Peterman fame) is getting his own reality show wasn't good enough, the article mentions that "[the] project will explore his everyday life, including his role as a partner in the real-life J. Peterman Co." ( Are you kidding me? This might rival the time I saw an incognito Hasselhoff stoically searching the ocean for distressed swimmers.

TUESDAY -- Other than the obscene money, beautiful women, and MTV Rock N' Jock invites, nothing makes me wish I was a major celebrity more than the awards show gift bags. But what's amazing is that most of this stuff is probably pocket change for these people, either ignored entirely or absent-mindedly handed over to assistants. But if I got my hands on one of these, it would be all over -- pretending to give away items then yelling out "Psych!," putting my friends through elaborate obstacle courses with expensive gift certificates on the line, unique tips to the valet -- nothing would be out of bounds. -- Simmons may need to find a new high-fiving sidekick at Clipper games ... (Ben D.) -- A riveting rendition of "Rocketman" by Captain Kirk. What's great about this is that, if anyone else, you could be certain of the playful nature involved. But with Shatner, it's entirely plausible that he was dead serious and followed this up by proudly strutting off-stage, doing mock gun-shots at everyone, and calling his agent for news of album deals. At least that's how I want to believe this went down. -- This reads more like a short novel than an article, but it's an entertaining take on the barrage of truly nutty celebrities, including the psychological reasoning for celebrities' narcissistic tendencies, the overbearing paparazzi presence, back-stabbing publicists, etc. Almost makes me second-guess my gift bag envy. -- Once Hank Gathers and Reggie Lewis get mentioned, I think it's safe to say that the jokes about Eddy Curry's lack of heart are over. Also, nothing to remind you that the game is also a business more than having your heart qualify for a specialized insurance exemption.



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