By The Intern
Page 2 (David F.) -- History's Most Lopsided Trades ... as renegotiated by Billy Beane. Truthfully, I'm just linking to this for the line about Tom Waits' "whiskey-soaked charisma." That may be the greatest compliment I've ever heard. (Adam C.) -- Entertaining, albeit frightening, timeline of A.I.'s hairstyles over the years. File this one under "When Expressing Your Man-Crush Goes Too Far." -- Lots of truth in this album review of Jamie Foxx's "Unpredictable." For instance, "Foxx's sense of humor (and sense of shame) has evidently diminished in direct proportion to his exploding fame." If that doesn't sum up Foxx nowadays, I don't know what does. (David W.) -- Angry Colts fan puts Peyton-signed helmet up for sale, takes jab at himself to try and throw us off his trail. Nice try, Vanderjagt. -- Feeling victimized as the team's scapegoat, Sonic Danny Fortson says he's "about to flip out." I can't even imagine what that entails with someone like Fortson. Does he place the mascot's head in GM Rick Sund's bed? Eat Luke Ridnour as a pregame meal? Keep the cameras rolling. (Joel W.; SOUND) -- Video of Will Arnett ("Arrested Development") performing an air guitar rendition of the "Law & Order" theme on Conan. Much funnier when the audio is synched up right, but still strangely impressive.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times -- when you rely on a kicker with a diamond stud earring, you rely on a kicker with a diamond stud earring.

You played with fire Colts fans ... and Vanderjagt burned you on his way to the discotheque. -- Simmons asks for a Bad Coaching Index, orders me to go on hunger strike until demand is met. Thank you, (Brendan F.) -- These anti-drug Duke player cards from the late '80s are hilarious, particularly since they read like a collaboration between McGruff the Crime Dog and Gary Busey. For example, Phil Henderson's card tells us, "Remember to spread out the court when running a fast break. Fast break from people who want to damage your body, those who offer you alcohol. It will destroy your liver, and eventually your life." (Matthew S.) -- Since acquiring exclusive rights to statistics licensing from the players' association, Major League Baseball has been stingily holding onto them like a fat kid with a candy bar, threatening the entire fantasy baseball industry in the process. This makes complete sense. While everyone else is up in arms over steroid-tainted records, MLB has kept its eye on the real threat -- fantasy stats. Bravo. (Adrian M.) -- Exasperated by her dog's insubordination, Jeanie Buss (Phil Jackson's longtime girlfriend) has turned to The Dog Whisperer, crackpot canine psychologist to the stars. Halfway through, we're told that The Dog Whisperer "grew up surrounded by animals on a farm in Mexico." Of course he did. (Ken W.) -- Scarlett Johansson denounces monogamy and rags on her male co-star for being a girl who likes gossip and shoes. In that case ...

Dear Scarlett,
I'd like to throw my hat in the ring. I'm serially unfaithful, an absolute vault and haven't worn a pair of shoes since 1997. I also don't wear pants. I'm looking forward to our first date.
-- The Intern

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