"Look, it's JJ Cool J!"
-- My Mom making a celeb spotting in an LA restaurant last week, one day before calling 50 Cent "Five Cents."

"You left my show to write ten thousand words about Varsity f***ing Blues and I'm supposed to continue to read your column?"
-- Jimmy Kimmel

"The revolving door of suckitude continues."
-- Poster Harry Hooper on the SOSH message board (after yet another devastating Red Sox loss).

"I'll be honest as hell with you. I did write out a will before taking this trip."
-- Lamar Odom, summing up everyone's feelings on the 2004 Olympics

"I may have smoked too much weed, but I wasn't taking drugs or anything."
-- Mike Tyson on his loss to Lennox Lewis

"Hey, any time you can trade a future Hall of Famer for two guys hitting .246, you've gotta make that deal."
-- my buddy JackO (a Yankee fan) on the Nomar trade

"I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test. I failed a drug test because I was ready to quit football."
-- Ricky Williams

"I'm not very politically involved ... I mean, if you say you're a Democrat, that'll turn off Republicans, and that's half of your fan base."
-- Lindsay Lohan on the upcoming election

"I guess you can never domesticate them. Like I'm not domesticated, I'm never gonna be a domesticated person."
-- Mike Tyson on Montecore the Tiger

"When my brain exploded, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have such a better life now."
-- Sharon Stone

"I'm halfway intelligent. I'll figure something out."
-- Ricky Williams on his post-retirement life

"I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities -- I'm proven to be good. I've still got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left."
  -- Shaquille O'Neal

"That's the biggest laughingstock I've ever heard of in my life."
-- Trot Nixon after MLB ordered him to remove the pine tar on his helmet

  "I think I'll get along real well with Brad. I can see us really going at it in practice every day, then going out and killing something to eat."
-- Greg Ostertag on new Kings teammate Brad Miller

"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok."
-- Shaquille O'Neal

"I'm running away to an abused fans' shelter. Please don't tell this team where I've gone."
-- Poster ChristineAnn18 on the SOSH message board (following a Red Sox loss in Seattle)

"Takeru Kobayashi is quite simply the Greatest Athlete in the World today."
-- Darren Rovell

"This city always smells like meat."
-- Jimmy Kimmel on the city of Houston

"Some days you are going to be some place. Some days you can be moved tomorrow."
-- Kelvin Cato

"Everybody who knows me knows how I get down."
-- Michael Vick denying rumors that he's gay

"I wasn't 100 percent into rap and if I'm not 100 percent into something, I can't do it. That's just how real I am."
-- Mase on why he retired from rap

"I feel like I am pregnant with all these ideas. I am just trying to give birth to them."
-- Miguel Batista describing his budding writing career

"Relax, we've been beating these guys for 80 years."
-- Yogi Berra to Bernie Williams in the '99 ALCS


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